Be someone's voice

This weekend I watched a movie called "Perks of being a Wallflower." I am told it is a very good book, and it was a decent movie, but it was very sad to say the least. If I had known that the main character in the film had been molested when he was a child and therefore had a psychotic break due to this trauma paired with the trauma of his best friend shooting himself, I probably wouldn't have watched it. I purely watch happy ending type of movies for one simple reason; the evil in this world overwhelms me on a daily basis so I don't need the things I choose to watch for entertainment value to remind me of it. But I was already entranced in the movie by the time this sad plot twist came to the surface and the thoughts had begun stirring around in my head. The worst evils in this world are the ones that hurt children.

It made me think of the immense amount of hours I spent soaking in every word of my psychology books in college and the numerous hours I spent in training courses when I decided to work with the special needs community. I knew from my psychology degree the damage that can be done during childhood in regards to trauma, as children do not know when lines are being crossed and can not speak up for themselves. I also knew from my trainings at a special needs Camp in New York that when you work with a 27 year old male who has mental retardation as well as autism, his mental age is that of a child's. This was the case for every camper I served that summer in NY, with many of them having dual diagnoses, and them all needing to be taken care of and looked after with intense care. They looked like they should be able to perceive the world's black and white area's without hesitation since they are a grown up, but in fact they see everything just as gray as a child does.

I don't know when it happened exactly, whether it was a quote I read in a textbook or when one of my campers looked into my eyes, but ever since I can remember I have vowed the protect those who can not protect themselves. To speak for those who have no voice, and to demand respect for those who can't to ask for it. It's something I can not waver on. It is not a gray area for me.

I remember when one of my campers was locked in the cafeteria away from me by accident. At this special needs camp you had to be next to your camper 24/7 as so many things could go wrong, but my camper was a runner and took off ahead of me. Before I could catch him a scene took place with some other campers inside the cafeteria and they shut the doors so no one would get hurt. I knew they weren't paying attention to my camper, and I needed to get in there to protect him. He was screaming and rocking in the corner of the cafeteria and I was locked on the outside helpless. I began banging on the doors and windows causing a scene, beginning to panic as I could not protect him with bricks in between us. I began to yell demands for someone to let me in regardless of what was going on, and finally someone did. I ran over to my camper who was very upset hitting himself in frustration, and I reached out my hand to calm him. He never looked at me, did not stop rocking, but took the hand he was hitting himself with and put it in my hand for a moment. I began to walk out of the chaos, outside of the building, and he followed due to the loving trust we had built. He calmed down once we were in the summer air and both of our hearts began to beat at a normal pace. All I could think was, 'One more minute and I would have broken that window to get to you.' PROTECT.

There have been an inexplicable number of incidences where I have stood up against ignorant people who call others 'retarded' or 'slow' but one in particular comes to mind. I worked with a man who had autism and due to his diagnosis he had a 'tick.' A tick is something that someone does that is often involuntary, or it can be soothing, but it's basically an integrated part of their everyday life and many times they don't even know when they are doing it. Well, this precious man's tick was to do a kissy face. When he was anxious, excited, or in a heightened emotional state his response would be to do this 'kissy face' to people. Now it was totally endearing and made him all the more lovable, but there were people who would egg him on. They would gather their friends around to laugh at his tick, mocking, joking, and giving him a kissy face in return. They thought it was hysterical and were not respecting his diagnosis and what came with it. Sure it was cute, but it was not to be mocked or made to be anything more than just a simple part of who he was. They made him a spectacle, so I made them aware of how ignorant and clueless they really were by the behavior they were exhibiting. After our little conversation about ticks, autism, and respecting people with special needs they sure enough left him alone. It wasn't so funny anymore, and they could finally see the other great parts of his personality that he had to offer.  DEMAND RESPECT FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T ASK FOR IT.

The thing you may not expect to hear is that both of these men were nonverbal. So anything they needed, wanted, or were upset about I had to read off of their body language or learn from asking around. I had to interpret every step they took, every eye movement, and every turn of the neck in order to interpret their every thought. Because of this we were trained to never leave them alone because if something ever happened to them they could not tell us what went wrong. If they were ever disrespected, violated, or hurt in any way we would never know about it because they had no words for us. The same goes for young children. After this camp I worked with children with special needs that were age three and under. I would sometimes come across neglect or abuse cases when I would meet their families. Do you think I hesitated to call Child protective services? Whether I had to report someones behavior towards my camper, or report a mother that I thought was beating her child, the motivation is still the same. SPEAK FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO VOICE.

Whether we are talking about children, the mentally ill, or the special needs community they all have this in common: they are precious, innocent, and totally susceptible to harm if we do not speak up for them. You've got a voice, so use it.

"Speak the truth, even if your voice is shaking."

Wine & Ginseng Train

 This weekend me and some friends went on the "Wine & Ginseng Train" here in Korea. We were told we would get to try Korean wine, go to an herb market, and even watch a movie on the way back. We had no idea what to expect, but with me being someone who loves to learn about wine I was so excited about the event! We got on the train at 9am and it looked like this:

It was very festive with it's bright and tacky decorations including LIFESIZE ginseng on the side of the train! The inside was full of tables and a bar stocked with Chateau Mani wine, and we soon took our seats and were given our wine glass and some funny stickers. As the train ride began we soon realized that we were in fact not going to learn anything about wine at all that day. There was NO translator and the host of our little train ride spoke about 5 words of English! He spent loads of time talking about each wine we were going to taste in Korean and I watched him with the hope that at any moment I would all of a sudden be able to understand him. But, no luck. Would he all of a sudden begin speaking in English? Struck out again. We tried our wines and I tried to google info about it, and soon just gave up and enjoyed the ride and sipped on some seriously sweet wine. 

We then were given an interesting cheese/snack platter. Was it gorgonzola, gouda, or brie that would pair nicely with these Korean wines? Ummmm, not quite. We got cut up pieces of American cheese, cheese puffs, popcorn, and assorted other random snacks. It didn't exactly pair well with anything but it did make for very funny conversation.

  

We then were told that it was Korean game time! We played rock paper scissors (which they are obsessed with over here) and if you won you got to put a sticker on someone's face! It was hysterical to see all these Korean men walking around with 5 or 6 pink and orange stickers on their face! 

 

 Then our host of the train began to play guitar and sing in Korean. It was classic. We swayed to the words we could not understand and sipped on the wine we knew nothing about. Only in Korea. 

But soon, a song came on that we DID KNOW. 'Gangnam style'. Wine glasses were put down and a dance party in the aisle of the moving train began to ensue. We even got a few hajimas (old ladies) and hajoshi's (old men) up dancing with us. Classic. 

We arrived at the Chateau Mani winery and had lunch:

We then stopped at a little village where we were told we had time to walk around and should try to find the herb market. We found lots of interesting street food on the way to the market! This man is cooking 'wild pork' which he kept flipping over in these grate looking cooking utensils.

 If anyone wanted to be a little more adventurous they offered cooked bugs, wild mushrooms, and cooked flowers.

 Here is some street side tempura in the making.... it may not look like it would be appetizing, but it sure was!

 As promised we found the herb market that was full of precious little old ladies selling herbs. They were probably 80 years old or more! It was incredible to me that they were sitting there selling these herbs all day at their age!

We saw a sweet family selling handmade pottery on the same road! I bought a few souvenirs myself, as they were too gorgeous to pass up!

  As promised, there was a lot of ginseng, which is a highly valued remedy here for good health.

  We got back on the bus after the herb market and headed to our next destination.

We stopped in a field where there were gorgeous cheery blossom tree's as far as the eye could see:

And then we were told to enter this place:

I was a little nervous we were walking into some sketchy underground place since I had no idea what it was after it was introduced on the bus in Korean....but everyone else seemed fine with entering this questionable cave looking place so we followed. It turned out to be a wine cellar where I'm guessing they keep the wine for some super special purpose. Once again, no clue as the speaker went on and on for about 10 minutes in Korean about what this place was and then walked up to us and said 

"Take picture, bus, go." That was it. So we did just that.

On our last stop before we got back on the train to go home we stopped off at a winery for a nice little foot bath.....I'm pretty sure our feet were being soaked in boiling hot wine! Not only was the water a pinkish color but it smelled very sweet too! (and was piping hot!)

On the train ride back home we watched a movie and relaxed. We were lucky enough to look out the window and see this gorgeous site as we rode through numerous little Korean towns.....

....it had been a long

day of wine tasting, moments lost in translation and filling in the blanks by ourselves, but I guess that's to be expected when doing something educational in a foreign country where you don't speak the language! Nevertheless, very cool and a different learning experience here in Seoul!

American girl's got back

"Today, the average American woman is 5’4″, has a waist size of 34-35 inches and weighs between 140-150 lbs, with a dress size of 12-14. Fifty years ago, the average woman was 5’3-4″ with a waist size of approximately 24-25″, she weighed about 120 lbs and wore a size 8."

I would like to put this on a billboard in the middle of the most traveled road in Gangnam, because people here are still stuck in the mentality of 50 years ago.

All over the internet you will find blogs and photos talking about the way the Korean culture views weight and how judged foreigners often feel while abroad. If you do not wear anything between a size 0-4 then you sometimes are told to go to 'plus size' stores or you have to go to stores that are not Korean for that is where you will actually find normal sizes.....That's right ladies, WE ARE NORMAL to need something larger than a size 0, so having stores like 'Forever 21' or 'H & M' are Godsends while abroad or I would have NO PANTS while being here. Honestly, I can only buy skirts in Korean stores that are a stretchy waist, as the one time I dared buy a skirt with a zipper it was miles too small! Korean genetics make these women all extremely petite and that is just how they look, and I would be OK with it if it wasn't for one thing.....

I have never spoken about weight so much with my friends, coworkers, and even strangers as I have since my 8 months being in Korea. Are us foreigners so OBESE that you must point out that we do not fit in your size zero? Yes, we are built differently and yes our genes give us hips and thighs and big giggly butts and we are OK with it. So, this is not a rant about how unfair it is that I am a bigger girl than Korean women; this is a rant about how proud to be an American woman who is a size 8/10 in a size zero country.

It must be nice to go to the gym for a nice leisurely walk on the treadmill as so many Korean women do here and call it their 'work out', when they are already incredibly petite as it is. But behind you is an American girl who is sweating in places she did not know she could as she attempts to spin for more than ten minutes. What keeps this gluttonous American motivated? The thought of duckgalbi or another delicious meal in her near future!

It must be nice that when you, Korean women, are on your nice little walk your child size thighs don't touch at all, but when I go for a vigorous run to try to work off some serious American calories I hear with every step, "rub a dub dub, let's work off the chub.'

Even the Korean men in the gym have legs the size of teenage girls and one of my butt cheeks is bigger than their entire backside. So the next time you gym boys choose to have an opinion on me or my friends weight, why don't you instead go and work on your own physique so that from the back I won't mistake you for a fifteen year old.

Sure you may say I'm fat, or laugh and gawk at me shoving kimchi fries down my neck but guess what? THEY TASTE GOOD. And that is half your creation and half ours Korea.

I am proud of the way I look and I don't need anyone's approval, thoughts, or opinions on it. I love my body and that mean's I don't need you too. I am proud of the women I stand by that also are beautiful with their size 8's, 10's, 12's and who else even notices? I am proud to call them my friends because of who they are, and they happen to look amazing also.

All I'm saying is that I accept the things that Korean culture brings to the table that are different from my culture and I do not make nasty comments about them. I don't go around judging and living on an opinionated high horse thinking 'it's my way or the highway'. I'm more welcoming to the differences of the world. There are a select few here that need to choose to embrace that mentality especially when it comes to differences in appearances, such as weight. It's just rude.

I eat macaroni and cheese before I go the gym. I often put on my gym clothes and sit in my apartment and eat chocolate, never actually making it there. I've got junk in the trunk and my Mama gave it to me.....take it or leave it. But if you choose to leave it, don't bother telling me your opinion about it. Because us American girls, we know a size 0 is not 'normal' and that having a body that has a shape is beautiful.

More importantly, we look on the inside too.

Autism, are you aware?

With it being Autism Awareness month I thought I would share this story, and the realities of what I have seen here in Korea as it pertains to kid's with special needs. I have spoken many times about this topic before and the harsh reality that these children will face here as they grow older but I thought it was important to highlight a new face I have grown to love in one of my classes and share my concerns for him and his future. Autism needs to be spoken about, it is a real thing, and I hope all who read this can understand my passion and love towards the Autism community.

I'm not sure what God is up to but he has put another child with special needs in one of my classes. This boy is not an 'undercover', 'could be possible', or 'its unclear' case either. He is absolutely a child with special needs and you can see it in everything he does. He has red flags when it comes to his speech patterns, social skills, and sensory processing abilities. He also exhibits an array of repetitive behaviors such as rocking or flapping his hands when he feels extreme emotion. This sweet student, my innocent Korean baby boy, probably has Autism.

He has trouble with two-step directions, standing still, his speech consists of mostly echolalia, and is incredibly sensitive to loud noises. He is constantly rubbing the desks, my arms, his books, and other things that give him a tactile sensation and often plays alone or alongside others during playtime. If you were to Google any or all of these behaviors, Autism would pop up immediately. I don't need to be a psychiatrist to catch this one. During birthday parties he can't even simply smile and look into the camera for pictures. All I can think is 'How can nobody else see there's something else at play here? Don't they wonder why it takes 5 teachers yelling his name behind a camera to try to pull him out of his own world to smile in the direction of the camera? How do they not know?'

Well as other teachers give me advice like 'maybe he needs his hearing to be checked, that's why he hates loud noises', or 'he will get used to school and start behaving differently I bet,' I have to swallow my tongue. I know better. I know these are not remedies and not reality. This boys genetic make up is causing him to be hypersensitive to everything around him and punishing him for flapping his hands and not being able to stand still in line is not the answer. I know how to teach and treat beautiful children with Autism, as they are some of my favorite children in the world, but everyone I am surrounded by here does not see what I see. His family and other teachers lose patience with him, and I was even told his mother got angry at him for not being good enough at his school work. Denial is a hard place to live when the country you reside in doesn't even recognize what's going on with your kid. Imagine being a mother with no answers.....it must be awful. Both his family and the other teachers here keep holding out hope that in time he will emerge as a completely different child instead of accepting him for who he is now and moving onward and upward from there.

He is no less of an amazing child in my eyes than any other child that I teach, but this is how I think. When will this mentality become part of Korean culture? So often success is based on your level of education and how smart your child is; so if your child is delayed they are looked down upon for it. With no diagnosis to explain why my Autistic student struggles at school and is behind the rest of the class in many areas, I fear he will just be viewed as a failure. In a society where there is so much value on education, and a child with special needs is not getting the distinctive education he needs to thrive, he will fall behind. In the States, we value education as well but here many families send their kids to school from 9am-7pm because they are learning a second language, taekwondo, music lessons, dance lessons, going to art school, math school, tutoring etc. It's like education on crack. By the time these kids reach middle school they are incredibly smart, but at what cost? How much pressure has been put on them to get to this point and have they even experienced a childhood? This is just how things are in Korean culture, I know, but it's a culture that does not leave a path for children with special needs to succeed. With no such thing as special needs, there is no such thing as special education, which makes it very hard for these children to succeed in the way that Korean culture recognizes and demands. So, what will they do? Who will they be when their needs are never addressed, interventions are never admitted, and their entire genetic makeup is not understood? With so many people here believing there is 'no such thing' as Autism or other special needs, I don't see anyone clearing a pathway for them anytime soon. 

I am sure that there are people here who know better than this and do not have this dated mindset. But with there being zero awareness here for children with Autism, and myself knowing that it exists in 1 in every 110 people, it's hard for me to have any sort of optimistic viewpoint on the matter. Children are not getting the help they deserve and they are out there waiting.... helpless. If the little boy in my class had some kind of brain tumor he had to get removed which left him with a few struggles, people here would recognize that and adapt their entire lives around what he needed. But not Autism.....it 'doesn't exist', and god forbid if he gets labeled as a 'special kid' he will just get laughed at and bring shame on his family.
 
I have always said 'Don't complain about problems that have solutions.' We don't think about it like that, but there are many people suffering with problems that in fact do not have solutions. I have come into contact with many such problems and am now faced with another. I live in a country that doesn't recognize special needs as existing therefore jeopardizing the futures of many beautiful and bright young children. This is a problem without a solution.

Please remember that we may not have it all figured out yet in the States, and there are numerous kinks in our system, but we are miles ahead of the rest of the world. Your child, if they do have Autism or another diagnosis, is lucky to be living in the States. We have interventions, classrooms with specialized teachers, and numerous other aides to help your child succeed. In third world countries they often don't even have clean water let alone an Early Intervention System. The ignorance and cluelessness is real around the world as it pertains to Autism as many people believe it does not exist. We are lucky in the States, let's feel thankful for that today, and take a moment to think about all who have helped us get this far. And of course, let's appreciate all the kids that have made us this passionate in the first place. They have taught us a new and unique way to love others. Here's to them.  

Make Love, Not war

This weekend my friends and I had a "Make Love, Not War" party. The idea came from the obvious war that was declared on South Korea from North Korea and the tension surrounding the entire situation. We had the idea about a month ago when all of this chaos first began and felt it was truly necessary to celebrate this message of peace. We did this by dressing up in our best hippie attire, drawing fake tattoos of flowers and peace signs on our bodies, and lighting incents to set the atmosphere.

Although this party was all in good fun being another reason to enjoy our friends company and get all dressed up, I truly do believe in the message. Love can conquer all, or most things, and war is not the answer. Whenever I listen to the song "Where is the love?" I can't help agreeing with the lyrics that the world has turned to such an evil and selfish place. There is so much discrimination, hate, and anger in the world that it makes you wonder "Where is the love?"

Most people only care about making money, about their own life, and worship God's like success and fame. Equality doesn't exist in so many places, people are crying and hurting all over the world, and people still want to start a war as if there is not enough pain out in the universe already?


This song and this party truly brought out the inner hippie in me perhaps, because I feel so full of love and truly hate the thought of war. I often feel so full of love for other people and I wonder if other people have that also. If we all exuded love and thoughtfulness instead of pride and selfishness how different would this world be? Mother Theresa said that "Good works are links that form a chain of love." How different would this world look if we lived our lives aspiring to be help others instead of only helping ourselves?

War is not the answer. The only way to live our lives is with love.

 Love & Peace yall.

Spring Festivities in Seoul

Spring has finally arrived in Korea and I am completely thrilled about it. I can pack away my winter coat and my other Eskimo looking attire and break out the light jackets and the short sleeve shirts. The cherry blossom tree's are in full bloom here and a smile is put on my face every time I leave my apartment and am greeted with a cool or warm breeze sweeping through my hair instead of a frigid one that sends chills down my spine.

Due to the change in seasons there are a few things I have been able to do recently here in Korea. One of them took place at school this week as my Kinder class planted seeds. We went up to the roof of our school and put dirt, seeds, and water into a flower pot. The kids were ECSTATIC and overjoyed with the thought of having their own flowerpot and the amazement could be read on each one of their faces. 

I taught them what flowers need (in Kindergarten terms) which was soil, water, and love. (air is too complex for a 5 year old.) But the 'love' part they all really understood and they told me how we must take care of them....just like babies. :) I told them 'That's right! We have to water them because just like us, they get thirsty too!'

After our planting seeds special activity was over they stood for pictures with their flower pot feeling giddy with excitement! They were filled with anticipation as to when their flowers would begin to grow big and beautiful just like the ones on our own school roof.

It was a wonderful spring activity that we enjoyed this week at school!

Also due to the change in weather I was able to go bike riding down the Han River. Many other teachers did this back in the fall, but with myself being so sick for the first 3 months I was in Korea I never got a chance to enjoy this leisure activity. My friends Chad, Trista, and I rented some bikes and began pedaling down the bike path along the Han.

 It was a gorgeous day out, windy and warm, and we had a nice work out and beautiful views of the river. Trista and I chatted the whole ride for 2 hours, and it was so relaxing and fun! Honestly, this will be an activity that I will have to do on numerous occasions this spring, as the sites were just too gorgeous to not return!

I can't wait to see what else this Seoul and Korea have in store for me this Spring!