Why are you a Christian?

Today in church our pastor and another brave soul shared their testimonies. I realized that I should update my own and share it as well, since my blog seems to speak so much about my faith. I thought I should answer any questions as to how I got to this point in my life. Why am I a Christian? So, here's my testimony:

I grew up in a Christian household learning about Jesus from a very young age. I was reading the bible and going to Sunday school, and I loved going to church. I would say Jesus has always been my Lord and Savior but I made a commitment to him when I was saved at age 15. From then on, I always would pray and go to church, but being saved and having a relationship with Jesus wasn’t truly changing my life like I had thought it would. The problem was that I knew the scripture but I wasn’t living my life like how the scripture told me I should. I had no desire to totally submit to Him, even though I knew his truths and knew that he was the only way, I wanted to live selfishly and for my own benefit. What I was totally misinformed about was that all the years I was living for my own benefit, for my own happiness, I was missing out on a kind of happiness that surpasses all understanding. A joy, comfort, and peace that only comes with having an intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior.

At age 21 God changed my life and made me truly change my focus. I needed to see how hard life could be without it revolving around Him, to see just how much I truly needed Him in it, at the center, directing every step I took. It was at this age that I would say faith began to change me from the inside out. It was at this age that I felt like the only one I could turn to was Jesus, and it took God pulling the rug out from underneath me to teach me this. My life took a tumultuous turn as family I loved began dying, friendships ended, and I fell in love with a baby with a death sentence for a disease. I had never felt the sharp unyielding pain that is grief, and the heavy burden that invaded my heart due to experiencing the injustices of this world.

When people ask me why I am a Christian I tell them this; there is no joy in this world like the joy of having a relationship with the Savior of the world. Even when I was going through deep intimate painful periods of my life, Jesus would bring me out of them. He would give me comfort and resolution in impossible situations and I felt His love with me at every step. I have prayed the prayer, “Please take this pain off of me, I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much.” I know that God exists because every time I have prayed that prayer, with tears in my eyes and the words pouring out of the depths of my soul, the weight has been lifted. I would literally be made anew, and God would begin carrying my burden for me. 

When I needed people in my life to teach me something, lift me up, or help heal my heart He would send them to me. When that amazing baby that I fell in love with passed away and grief overtook my heart, God sent me a new baby to restore my hope. Literally a week after she passed, I went on a mission trip to Belize, broken and overwhelmed. But God had a plan to take care of his daughter, as he sent me a 1 year old baby boy in Belize that fell in love with me and I fell in love with him. I would hold that boy in my arms each and every day and with every hug or smile he would give me, a part of my soul was restored. I know God exists because he shows up for me in ways I didn’t even know I needed…..he always shows up, he is faithful.

Me and Aaiden

This same little girl who passed away and opened my eyes to the needs of my own community became the driving force for my career. When she died I continually saw this yellow butterfly outside of my window. I told myself that this was God telling me that she was OK, and each time I saw a yellow butterfly from then on I always thought of her. Well, this little girl became the inspiration for a nonprofit I wanted to open. I knew this would change my life forever if I chose to follow through with this idea, so I prayed for confirmation that this was the right path for me. In a way that only I would understand, God showed me that this was the right path for me, as he sent a yellow butterfly flying past me while I simply drank my coffee. He gave me confirmation so I would have no doubts about the direction of my life. I know God exists because he shows up for me when I need to hear Him, or feel close to Him. 

Me and Megan

Since I have decided to give my life to the Lord, to do his work, and try to be more like him in the way I treat people I have felt him changing my mind, heart, and the course of my life. Because of this change in attitude and perspective that I made when I was 21, I am a happier, more joyful, satisfied, and a stronger person walking with Jesus. He has guided me towards unexpected goals and opportunities which I obediently followed to bring Him glory, and want nothing more than the chance to spread the hope and love that comes with knowing Jesus Christ to others.

 

I want to spend my days on Earth glorifying him and bringing love to all of his children. I believe God has put me on this Earth to spread love to children in need; both children with special needs and children who are just in need of love. Whatever they are lacking, I will give them with God’s help, because we are called to Love one another deeply. (1 Peter 4:8) This is why I work with children at the orphanage here in Seoul, as a burden has been put on my heart for orphans around the world. This is why I am opening a nonprofit to fill the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of families who have children who are medically fragile back in NC. I will do whatever it takes to bring those in need joy or happiness of some kind. The best way I know how to do this is to show them how much Jesus loves them.

 

Many people here in Korea know me as an emotional basket case, who wears her heart on her sleeve, and can cry at the drop of a hat. This is because God is continuing to work in my life here by giving me closure, guidance, and peace with some difficult situations I’ve endured. One thing I hope is also recognizable about my personality is the joy that I have that comes from knowing Christ. He is my joy, my hope, and the reason why I do not fear what is next for me. 

I am seeing the world and all of his miraculous creations. He is opening my eyes to so much here, and I feel closer to him than ever. 

India

Me as a geisha in Japan

Kuala Lumpur

Ubud, Bali, Indonesia

Bamboo forest Kyoto, Japan

Faith is essential and inseparable from my life. My heart is surrendered to Him and I have so much determination to change the world for His glory. He is my Healer, my Savior, my everything. His love is more than enough for me.