Smack

I remember a speech I gave in my Communication class in college about spanking. We had to choose a controversial topic that many people could argue either way, and with myself being a person who grew up never being spanked I personally think there is no need for it. Throughout my years as a developmental therapist, I have applied numerous discipline methods personally to children, with some of them being the 'worst behavioral children the parents have ever seen' and have witnessed their positive outcomes. Because of this I don't see why a belt, hand, or any other object should ever be raised to a child. I still remember the closing of that communications speech; The only SMACK a child should ever get is one from your lips. :-*

North Carolina state law says the following:

"Parents have a right to discipline their children. Done appropriately, spanking and the use of corporal punishment are not considered child abuse. Corporal punishment, commonly referred to as physical discipline or spanking, is the application of physical force, including striking with the hand or with an object, against the body of another. However, significant trauma and tissue damage, such as bruises, welts, or lacerations may be signs of child neglect (inappropriate discipline) or child abuse, depending on the extent of the injuries."

Under North Carolina state law hitting your child with an object such as a belt is legal and parents fought to make it this way. It has been battled in courts and parents have been outraged when told they cannot spank their child. I was even told that it is legal to smack your child across the face as long as it doesn't leave a mark. You see, the problem is that some parents will take this kind of discipline too far and end up using it as an 'out' for actually hurting their child or use it as an alternative for talking with their child. They hit first, talk later if there's time. Please don't mistake this for a love tap; I'm talking the child screaming and bright red marks on their little bodies. I've seen it with my own eyes unfortunately and been helpless to intervene because the law says that's OK TO DO TO A CHILD. Smack across the face.....no problem, your covered for that one, who cares if they are 3 years old.

By no means am I saying that parents should not choose to discipline their children whatever way they see fit, I'm just saying there are other options. I know plenty of people who have been spanked in their childhoods and have no sense of trauma in their adult lives as they think back on it. But for me personally, I don't see any reason to ever hit a child. Pick on somebody your own size.

All of these thoughts came flooding back to me as I was told about a situation with one of my 5 year olds in school today. I teach a child who is left handed by nature but her mother thinks that this is some kind of problem and wants to make her right handed. All last week I fought for this little girl explaining how being left handed is not a problem and that she is writing so well with this hand, but her mother was insistent on forcing a change. Well, they got some new homework on Monday and come Tuesday morning I saw that her writing was flawless. I immediately knew her mother wrote her homework. I shrugged it off in the busyness of the day, but noticed for the next few days the little girl was having continuous bathroom problems. It all made sense today as I was informed by my manager that on Monday night the little girl and her mother had a fight about her writing. The little girl did not want to write with her right hand so refused to do her homework and her mother 'beat her' as I was told. She beat her so badly that it was traumatic for her making her regress in her development such as bathroom abilities. This is textbook when it comes to trauma, so I know this little girl must have gone through a hellish ordeal on Monday night for it to be affecting her so badly. And why? Because she is left handed? Does her mother think she is a bad child because her brain is telling her that she should write with her left hand? Does she think she is being defiant or is somehow defective for this trait? And because she is, let's beat her.

My heart dropped. I looked at my manager and told her to tell the mother that the little girl was doing great in school and that I would somehow get her writing up to par since it is terrible with her right hand. She needs loads of practice to learn how to write with the hand that is not natural for her to write with, but I will somehow find the time to practice with her.

As the kids got ready to go home I picked her up, looked her in the eyes, and said "I will help you with your writing baby, don't be sad, you are a great student. You know I love you right?" She smiled and laughed and got in line to go home as if nothing was wrong.

There are so many things I love about Korean culture but the fact that they hit their children as a typical means for disciplinary action and it is so acceptable here, is something I will never adjust too and never accept as alright. Beating a child because they are left handed is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard, and there is nothing I can do for her, no one I can call, no way to help save her from her mother.

Pray for her. Besides that, I just have to swallow it because there's nothing more I can do. Well besides giving her plenty of my own smacks.....the good kind.