Passing the Torch

Today is my last week in Korea so I have entered the final stretch. I have only a four day week and then on Friday I will be done with my job as an ESL teacher in Seoul, South Korea. It's such a big change that it has my head pounding and stomach in knots. I am nervous about all the different things happening all at once and can't quite find my footing. There is just so much to do and so much to think about that I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction. A big worry of mine was wondering what the new teacher that would replace me would be like. We have a few teachers at my school who I swear are not big fans of kids, let alone teaching, so I was worried who's hands my Kindergarteners futures would fall into. Well today the newbies arrived, and the veteran teacher (me) was told to train them on the ins and outs of my school.

I took all three teachers up to my room as soon as the day started. Throughout the morning my Kinder kids were so quiet and kept staring at the 3 new bodies watching them in my classroom. But after some time, and lots of explaining on my part, the kids loosened up and we got to work. I found myself torn between teaching, explaining everything I was doing, and somehow suppressing my own anxieties about this week of pending change. Things went well and I answered the new teachers hundreds of questions, but it still left me with a pounding headache and feeling totally exhausted come the end of the day. There is something great about realizing your replacement seems like a good fit, but there is also a distinct sting when you realize you are out of their lives now.........forever. The questions begin to pop up:

"Did I teach them what they needed to know up until now?"
"Did my presence in their life truly make a difference?"
"Will they remember me, and if they do what will they remember?"

I can only hope somewhere in their tiny little Kindergarten brains they will know that Ms.Nikki truly loved them, fought for them, and pushed them so that they can be the most successful people that this city has ever seen. I'm passing the torch now, both willingly and reluctantly, as I know my time here is through. But there are no guarantees that the next teacher will see the love and beauty that each child truly holds.

I needed to remind myself today that I can't save the kids I love from the ways of this world. I can't keep them all under my wing forever. I can't hold onto the past when there will be new faces that need my love and support in the future. My hand has been dealt, and it happens to lead me back to the States.