The Ugly Duckling

As a special needs teacher in the States I realize everyday how special it is to have as child learn a new skill. I appreciate the smallest of achievements a child makes, knowing that this child’s fate could be very different. Still, each day, we don’t know what their future will end up looking like. One day their abilities could be halted by some unforeseen illness or accident. I don’t mean to think of the tragic scenarios, but when you are used to visiting children in hospitals you learn to understand every possible circumstance; no matter how bleak.

I truly love having this kind of knowledge though and this kind of viewpoint. I have always said that God gave me a special set of eyes that see’s things a little differently when it comes to kids with special needs, and it’s true still here in Korea. I sit in my classroom and watch my kids work, with such incredible varying degree’s of ability, and feel so lucky I am their teacher. There is a boy who has such a sensory complex who is constantly rubbing my arms, feeling my necklaces, and rubbing on my feet or legs when I wear tights to school. He is one of the cutest kids ever, and luckily it does not distract him from his work.  I admit he is the one I choose to sit next to when we go on field trips because I know he will snuggle with me, so this is a trait I love about him! I get touched almost every day by another little boy who I could guess would get a diagnosis of Autism if in the States. He is so smart but struggles so much with his behavior and is constantly reprimanded for it, so his special needs DO distract him from his work unfortunately. Something as simple as not having a coat hanger to hang his coat on when he gets to school will set him off for the rest of the day.

It’s sometimes difficult to have my ‘set of eyes’ in a country that does not understand special needs because I know the little boy with Autism does not understand what is happening with his body and probably never will. I encourage him in every way I can and try to avoid melt downs when I see his anxiety building up. I know God placed me in his class for a reason and I’m so glad I can be there to teach him that being different is OK. I couldn’t help but see the significance of my placement in his class when I read his latest book report.

He wrote about “The Ugly Duckling”. He did a beautiful picture, as he loves to draw, and then proceeded to give his summary of the story. The ugly duckling that others were making fun of and nobody liked was different for a reason; he was a SWAN! He then finished his book report with this sentence: “The differences are not ugly, it’s something special.”

I almost got choked up. Of all the children in my class to choose this book for their book report, this is the one he chose, and it speaks so much to his personal situation! I proceeded to write at the bottom of the report, “Yes, the differences make you very special!” and went on to tell him how much I liked his report the rest of the day.

I truly feel such a connection with him when I teach him and when I help him to continue to be successful each day. It’s amazing how much he teaches me in return about WHY I DO WHAT I DO. About why I worked so hard to come here, about why I fight for kids with special needs, about why I have such a deep faith. God sent me here for him, as well as my 11 other kiddos, and I remember that each day when I look into his eyes. One of my parents said it best in a note they wrote to me:

 

Yes. They teach us so much more than we teach them. 

Ms.Sicky

As many of you know, I have been sick a few times already since arriving here 3 months ago. Fellow teachers told me about their difficult times with the winter weather and different germs here in Korea, and how many of them were sick for months when they first arrived. I have to admit before I came over I was not worried about this as my “teacher” immune system has gotten pretty tough back in the States. Just about any Daycare fully loaded with snotty nosed children could not make me sick after being a Developmental Therapist for 3 years.

Oh, how those good times are behind me!

This is now the third time I am sick in the past month or so and it seems as soon as I get rid of a cold, another one comes swooping in a week later. I suppose I have my 12 beautiful little germs to thank that I teach everyday in Kindergarten, as they are often showing the same symptoms as I am. No matter how many times I wash my hands or teach them to cough in their elbows, I am still reaching for the toilet paper every 2 minutes. (They don’t use tissues over here, they just have big rolls of toilet paper in the classroom, the ROUGH kind that your nose eventually begins to HATE.) As the weeks have gone by, I feel as though I have become a walking germ. I have become the gross teacher who every now and then has to spit in the trashcan due to post nasal drip. The beauty of it is, since my kids have what I have, a few of them I see choking on their mucus and I have begun to encourage them to spit it out. I figured this would help them in the long run to get rid of their cold, and make my working environment not so contagious anymore. But now our classroom feels like it should be quarantined! Just today during circle time I had two children getting up to spit in the trashcan, four getting up and down up and down continuously blowing their noses, and just about everyone coughing. Myself included. I looked around at the scene around me, and couldn’t help but say out loud to all of them, “We are so gross.” They laughed so I decided to laugh a little, but mostly out of horror. Our one bottle of hand sanitizer reached its end this morning, and so I frantically found some more realizing how germ-filled our room was. So after each little nose was blown I would hear, “Teacher, can I do the stuff?” My answer is always yes. YES, YES, YES. Do the “stuff” every time.

Working so much, and living in this fancy and fabulous city, I cannot let these colds hold me back! Even though I have traded in my wine for a hot cup of ginseng tea on most days, I still need to keep up with this city. You think any of these Korean Gangnam ladies let a little cold stop them? No, ma’am. They strap on their 4 inch heels, throw their Louis Vuitton bags over their shoulder, button up their fur coats and keep it moving. Sure, they may also put on a face mask, but that’s just the courteous thing to do! (If my kids wore more of their facemasks at school then maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess!) So I figure, lets fake it ‘til you make it. So I strap on my boots, my warm glamorous Asian coat, and hide my red nose in my stylish scarf. I’m not going to lie; I have seriously considered purchasing the face mask…..after all I don’t want to be the germy American who isn’t keeping her sickness to herself! Do as the locals do, right? Adapt to their customs?

I am now going back and forth to the pharmacy, rubbing lotion on my raw and red nose, and stuffing tissues in every crevice I can find; pockets, purses, pencil cases, you name it. I know that this phase of me being so incredibly susceptible to new germs will fade eventually but not right now. So, until then I will just be the girl with the unrelenting cough and the red nose. But hey, at least its December now. If I look like Rudolph, then people can just call me festive!

My "sabbatical"

When people ask me “Do you think you will stay longer than a year in Korea?”, my answer is always the same; No. Nothing against this great country, or being an English teacher, but I have some pretty amazing things I want to get back to in the States. I guess it all boils down to how I view my time here in Korea opposed to how others see their experiences. I see this year as my year off from my regular life. This is not the year I am necessarily furthering my career, or saving the world, this is a year I am saving money and then getting back to the grind in the US. I have things to do, people to see, and I know that these things will not wait forever for me, nor do I want to put them off any longer.

After thinking about how I view my time here in Korea the word “sabbatical” popped into my head. Whenever I hear people talk about taking a sabbatical they are going to take paid time off to travel, see the world, and they usually come back saying they have found themselves on top of all that. They are taking time off from being a teacher (usually college level) and discovering what this great Earth has to offer, and gathering memories and moments full of love and hope along the way. Well, those are the people who take advantage of this time off anyway!

Now I know my moving to Korea and working here doesn’t exactly fit this description but I see plenty of parallels. First, I know I am working far more hours than I ever have in my prior jobs, but I’m also making more money than said jobs. This is money that I will save and use to see the world, and use to start an amazing nonprofit. So at times, it feels like I’m getting paid to do things here, to be here even, for more than my job. Which is nice, I admit. Second, I have already seen Japan and soon I will be on an adventure in Malaysia and Indonesia. All these countries will have been seen before I even reach my 6 month mark here in Korea, and let’s not forget the continuous exploration of Seoul and other Korean cities which is always intriguing! I am living a life here that doesn’t even feel like my own, that feels like a dream sometimes. Many days I wonder if I will wake up in my bed back in the States and I will have dreamed up this whole charade overnight. Isn’t that what a sabbatical is supposed to mean? A complete vacation and retreat from your life? Well, that’s absolutely what I am getting here. Third, a sabbatical has a time limit and then you are required to head back to reality. This is exactly how I feel about my stay here in Korea. After all, I’m not twenty years old spending my time hanging out over here until I figure out what I want to do with my life. Being in my late twenties, I know the answers to these big life questions already. I am excited to get back to my life in the States and can’t wait to go home next November, but I know my time here is serving a life purpose for me.

My year here is to purely get away and find some HOPE. Find the kind of hope that only comes from seeing God’s magnificent creations all over the Earth, by experiencing things you can only read about in books, and by pushing yourself to the limit. Once I find this kind of hope, my ‘sabbatical’ will be over. It will be time for me to return home with immortal, unbreakable, unyielding hope that nothing can penetrate. I will need this for what God has in store for me next, and I know he will help me to find it for exactly that reason.

 

So sabbatical or not, I'm not sure, but it definitely doesn't feel like real life!

It's Kimbab!

When I think back to all the fun stuff I was able to do in Kindergarten a few really great things come to mind. We of course had nap time, field trips, and some pretty cool arts and crafts days. I always loved when we got to watch a movie too, or play dress up during recess. Here in Korea it seems like their ‘cool activities’ completely prevail over what I used to do as a child! I am continually impressed by the things they offer these children, and feel so lucky to be the teacher experiencing it all alongside them!

Today we had cooking class as part of my Kindergarten class. Last month during this class they made something with bananas and peanut butter. Needless to say I was not thoroughly impressed. But today we were making kimbab! This dish is basically the Korean version of sushi, which usually has cheese, radish, cucumber, sausage and crab inside. Sometimes the meats or fish vary, but today these were the ingredients. You put all of these on a piece of seaweed paper which you have smothered with warm rice and then roll it up tight. Now, with me being such a huge sushi fan I was thrilled to have this as the item we would be ‘cooking’ and the kids were just as thrilled!

The children sat down around a table with their plates with seaweed paper in front of them. They were then given a super fancy cooking hat which made them all feel like little Korean chef’s, and given a hand full of rice. (Their hands are small remember, so it’s not very much) The rice is warmed and mixed with a little sesame oil so it is easy to spread around the square of seaweed paper. Once that step was complete they were given a slice of radish, crab, cheese, cucumber, and sausage to put on one side of the seaweed paper and then they rolled it up! Many of the kids needed help with this part, but luckily I was a natural!

After a few pictures were taken they all began to chow down on their delicious creation. I personally ate one also, and was surprised that I enjoyed it! It was not as bad as the spam kimbab that I had on a different occasion, but then again….that had spam in it! Talk about putting a sour taste in someone’s mouth about a dish! The children began to shout “more, more!” so I starting rolling them up like I was some kind of professional Korean kimbab chef! I was throwing them out left and right, with the kids yelling “thank you!” and me laughing at how authentic I felt! My Korean manager even smiled and commented on how good I was at it!

Overall, it was a fantastic experience that I just could not even believe I got to partake in! I was so jealous that these little kids were getting to do such cool stuff at their kindergarten! I felt so lucky so participate and just kept thinking to myself; where else would you do something like this Nicolette? “Only in Korea.” 

Secondary Losses

In 2010 I went to the Croghan Conference in Durham NC. This is a very well known conference that hosts numerous types of speakers. The topics are usually diagnoses or situations that affect young children, so with my job being a Developmental Therapist I was given clearance to attend. I took classes on new discoveries about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), Assistive Technology (wheelchairs, communication devices, etc), and a Grief Seminar. Now when I signed up for classes, I knew immediately how pertinent the information about Autism and Assistive Technology would be for my career as I worked with children every day that fit these types of special needs. As far as knowing families that had lost a child or a child that had lost a sibling on my caseload, now this was much rarer. But the grief seminar seemed very interesting, and in retrospect I guess I signed up for it more for selfish reasons than to help any child I knew.

You see, in the months leading up to the conference I lost two people I loved. One had died of old age, which people say makes it easier to cope with. This was not necessarily my experience, as this was my first time dealing with death on a personal level, so there was not much comfort to be found besides the fact she was with Jesus at that point. The true salt in the wound was not even three months after this person died, a child on my caseload followed. She was very sick and once again, people said, “it was better this way, she was suffering”, but I find it very difficult to find any comfort or logic in a baby dying. Considering my emotional life was already a little rocky with grief, this just sent me over the edge. I was unable to deal with not only the grief of two people I loved, but then the shock of a baby dying on top of that. No matter how much faith you have, it’s hard to make sense of such a short life even though this sweet little girl touched so many lives in her short time with us.

Leading up to the Croghan Conference I found myself battling with the correct way to cope with my grief and the intense emotions I felt daily. What is the “right” way to grieve? Is it OK to be angry at the way things panned out? No one understands how I feel, and they never will, so why would I talk about it? When I DO talk about how I feel, do I sound crazy? Why do the smallest things set me off in a wave of uncontrollable tears? Well thanks to the amazing speaker in the Grief conference I found my answers.

The speaker, a kind upbeat and brutally honest woman, spoke about the difficulties of coping with a death in the family. She spoke about the ‘initial loss’ being when the person dies and the moments surrounding that time. I will never forget what this woman said next, which is what helped me to not feel so crazy in my own life. She continued to explain that after a death, life keeps moving on and your family and friends go on about their business as if nothing has happened. But you will experience ‘secondary losses.’ An example of this would be when a mother loses her child, and weeks or months later she drives by a playground and see’s another mother playing with her child on the swings. She then has to pull the car over because she is crying so hard she can no longer see the road. She has the realization that she will never play with her child on a playground. This is a secondary loss; the inability to experience this moment with her own child. This is perhaps why someone will be out to dinner and see someone eating something as silly as a steak dinner. While seeing this, that persons remembers the tradition that was made of always eating steak dinners with the person they have lost and they realize they will never get to do that again, then this is a secondary loss for them. No more steak dinners with their loved one. Cue the tears and feelings of loss all over again.

Now, many people who have never experienced a loss of a loved one, do not know how this feels. They do not know that the realization of no more steak dinners with a loved one can give you a stabbing gut wrenching feeling making it hard to breathe. They do not know that it feels like, all of a sudden, you have just lost that person all over again. It’s almost as if you have the same sensation as that moment you heard the news, and your grief feels like you are starting from day one. Now, since it is a steak dinner, it won’t last as long, but it hurts just as bad, and it is just as significant.

When this speaker at the Grief seminar shared this information with me, it was just so clear that what I was experiencing was completely normal. But to this day, others do not understand how these secondary losses matter just as much as the initial loss and they are deemed ‘overdramatic’ or ‘just give her some time she will get over it.’ I know that most people speak out of ignorance or inability to relate when they say ‘it’s not like you lost them all over again’, when that’s exactly how it feels. Many times, I have been able to let these comments roll off my back, but for many people this kind of comment truly stings. So, I guess I just feel it necessary to raise awareness of these simple yet significant moments that truly matter to those who have lost a loved one. The information I gained at the Grief seminar has been invaluable in validating my difficult moments along the way and I hope it can do the same for anyone who reads this and needs to know they are not crazy or alone in their grief.

During the holidays, it is a guarantee that people will be experiencing secondary losses, so please be aware of the magnitude that these losses hold for others. Reassure them that this is all part of the grieving process and don’t judge them whether their loved one died 10 days ago or 10 years ago. Sometimes it’s nice to hear you are not crazy of overdramatic from a friend or family member; after all, the Croghan Conference is only once a year.

Simple Things

Around the holidays I always become deep in thought about my life. I think this is pretty normal, as many people think about their lives around important days of the year; many of these days being Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas, or New Years. Well, as much as I love having those moments where I decipher the things I am proud of or hope to work on in my life, sometimes it’s important to focus on the day at hand. What can you do with what this day has to offer? How can you make it memorable or how can you bless someone else in it?

I wonder what the less fortunate of the world would take time to think about on Thanksgiving. Is the homeless man on the street consumed with thoughts about regrets in his life or with the kindness someone offered him by giving him something to eat that morning? Is the orphan girl consumed with thoughts of the injustice of her situation or the compassion that her foster parents show to her each night when they tuck her into bed? Do the children without shoes, shelter, or clean water in the rural regions of India take time to dwell on what God has not given them, or do they smile at the hugs that neighbors or missionaries give them each day?

It may be a mix, I admit, of thoughts that vary according to the day’s events for anyone on this Earth. But I think sometimes there is a special kind of hope that comes from appreciating the small things. There is a special kind of gratitude and significance that forms when you just focus on the moment in front of you.

Although it is great to take the time to ponder your life, fight against whatever injustice you cannot ignore, and make changes towards a brighter future; be careful not to miss the simple things this holiday season. Be sure not to overlook the twinkling of the Christmas tree, the smile on a child’s face, or the fun of going back for second helpings for turkey!

God gave us the simple things to be enjoyed. Make sure you take part.

Thankful for Psy

It is such a funny thing how when you are young and you are asked what you are thankful for, you have such different answers then when you are older. As a child we think the day begins and ends with new toys, candy, or drawings from friends. We love to play games, dance, and just BE KIDS. No responsibility, no worries, not a care in the world. There is no reason to think of being thankful for the roof over your head or the shoes on your feet, when the new Nintendo game you got yesterday is what is on your mind! The only injustices of the world that you can think of is the fact that your sister got one more Barbie than you did for Christmas, or that you didn’t get seconds when Mom cooked spaghetti. I have to say, I miss these times of naïve bliss where your head is happily in the clouds…..AS IT SHOULD BE for every child.

I was reminded of the blessings that come with having this childlike mindset as I spoke to my kids this week about Thanksgiving. We asked each other “What are you thankful for?” and the answers were so adorable. There were varying answers with one being, ‘I am thankful for the cool ninja drawing my best friend made me yesterday.’ There was another equally as meaningful response which was, ‘I am thankful for my friend who shares his crayons with me.’ I am happy to report I got a few ‘I am thankful for Ms.Nikki because she buys me presents and teaches me’ which made me smile.

The best example was an exercise I did with the child I tutor. I asked him to write down 5 things he is grateful for and why, and then 5 people he is grateful for and why. Here are his answers:

Things I am grateful for:

1.     Lobster (he eats it at Outback) because it is delicious.

2.     Skateboard because it is fast.

3.     Bike because it is funny.

4.     Nintendo because it makes him happy.

5.     Scary movies because they are scary.

People I am grateful for:

1.)   Funny friends because they make me laugh.

2.)   Grandpa because grandpa gave me a toy.

3.)   Mom because she buys me games.

4.)   Cheoon (a friend) because he gave me a game.

5.)   Psy because he made Gangnam Style.

Now, I couldn’t help but start laughing when he wrote down Psy. Of all the people in his family, friends at school, or even ME who tutors him each week, he wrote down Psy. It was just so apparent how much us overanalyzing adults need to take a page out of this kids book. Sometimes it’s just as important to be thankful for the silly insignificant things like a skateboard, or a new game, or Psy. Yes, let’s all be thankful for Psy, after all he is the one who has gotten millions of people out of their seats to dance Gangnam Style around the world right?

So tonight, I’m not going to overanalyze everything and get too deep about how thankful I am this Thanksgiving. Sure, I’m thankful for my health, my job, family, friends, and of course a roof over my head and shoes on my feet. Let’s throw in there the food on the table thing too. Tonight I’m going to be thankful for the silly, insignificant, everyday things, like hearing Gangnam style sung to me by my kinders everyday and seeing children dance the world famous dance up and down the hallways of LCI here in Seoul. I will even be thankful for the fact that so many 6 year olds at my school know the word “sexy” because of Psy’s very famous line “Hey, Sexy Lady!” It makes me laugh every time I hear it, and a little comic relief during a hard day is always welcomed.

Yes tonight, I’m going to do just that. I think I will be thankful for Psy.

No Refills

Being sick in Korea is a somewhat scary and totally unfamiliar experience for my mind, body and soul. I am not only unaware of the "oriental medications" that they offer as remedies for whatever is ailing you, but my body has no protection against the germs that are attacking it here. Everything is new, lethal, and unforgiving. But there is no way to prepare yourself for the agony of being sick in a foreign country.

 

When I first got to Korea I got a minor cold. It was your everyday cough and runny nose which led me to my first adventure to the pharmacy. Halleluiah they spoke English! But this was not comforting for long. In broken English the pharmacist gave me medication, almost stammering on his explanation of how much to take and how often. He then proceeded to give me packets full of herbs that I could not pronounce. As I looked around the pharmacy I realized these bottles of herbs in the shape of balls were everywhere, and were an everyday solution for an illness or pain in your body. At my quizzical face, he then uttered "oriental medicine." Not feeling well, and understanding nothing on the labels, I knew I had to have blind faith in this man I had known for 5 minutes. I took the medicine without too much thought, swallowed the herb packet which tasted like charcoal, and was better in 3 days.

herbs at pharmacy

Now, recently I had a much worse case of what I have been referring to as the Korean flu. I was absolutely wiped out, feeling exhausted after sleeping for 13 hours, and had the whole shabang; sore throat, coughing, runny nose, sinus infection, head ache, etc. It was awful! I knew that the pharmacist's over the counter medication and herb packets would not get rid of this virus so I went to the doctor instead. This was also a brand new experience for me. I was nervous, irritated, and desperate so I was hoping this would not be too much of a problem. I walked in to see the doctor, who began speaking in Korean to me until he realized I had no clue what he was saying. Once he switched to English I told him what was wrong with me and after a quick check up he started writing down some things on his paper. He then said to me "antibiotic, you need, medical injections, OK?"
My face must have been priceless, because I thought he wanted me to go home and inject myself with medication! He then said "you do?" (which I later understood meant, 'have you done this before?', but I thought he was saying do you want to go home and inject yourself!) So I said "NO!" and so he wrote something down and said "OK, OK, three days, bye bye."

I walked out of the doctors office, so confused thinking that when I got my prescription it would be needles or something! I went to the pharmacy and instead was happy to find simple good old pills. Who would have thought I would be happy about that. But then I realized how many he had given me; 6 for breakfast, 6 for lunch, and 6 for dinner.

"Wow, I must be pretty sick" I thought. I proceeded, once again in blind faith, taking these pills which I was very unclear as to what they were exactly. I know one had to do with my nose, one with throat, and one for pain, but the sheet of paper written in Hangul (Korean) was not helping me to understand my prescriptions any more than simply looking at them with wide, questionable, bloodshot eyes.  

These three meager days, came and went, and I still felt terrible. I asked my Korean manager if she could call to get me a refill on my meds (as they were slowly helping), and she looked at me very confused. She asked me if I had gotten the medical injection, which she then explained if a very common thing they do here for people who are very sick. They inject them with a high dose of antibiotics and it makes them feel better in a few hours. After a few minutes of feeling frustrated I was not offered this miracle drug, I remembered my conversation with the doctor. "OH, that's what he was asking me!" I said aloud. I proceeded to tell her I got pills as my antibiotics and I needed a refill. She then said I had to go back to the doctor. WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND! NO REFILLS? I will have to pay to see the doctor again, and take off work on top of that! He JUST SAW ME, why can't he just give me a few more days worth? 

Needless to say, I was furious. I was sick, exhausted, and felt like I was running around in circles just to try to get rid of these invasive, unforgiving Korean germs!

I returned to the doctor 15 minutes before he closed that day, and told him I was still sick. It's a good thing he didn't understand sarcasm, because I had quite a bit for him by that point in the day. He tried to give me 3 more days of antibiotics, and I made it very clear that was not enough! After a little back and forth, he agreed to 5 days since I had to ask off work to go and see him. This ended up being the necessary amount because this virus stayed with me for almost 2 weeks.

Like I said, being sick in Korea is difficult and a little scary. You are taking things you don't know the names of and swallowing herbs that taste like charcoal or Indian food. One time I even had an herb packet that tasted like ginger bread.....one of the better ones obviously. You are throwing caution to the wind in hopes that the wind doesn't send you flying back into the side of a building more damaged than when you started. But the worst of it is simply this; having no refills basically............sucks.

Giving Thanks

Yesterday I had my first Thanksgiving dinner. There was a Thanksgiving banquet at my church here in Seoul and me and my small group were helping out with the event. As I walked into the church I was immediately struck by how beautiful the decorations were and how many people I was told were coming! They were hoping to feed about 500 people and all of the food was donated by the American base. While listening to the orchestra practice, I just knew this evening was going to be one to remember.

 My small group proceeded to a room where about 40 people gathered, myself included, to pray for this event. There were people praying aloud or to themselves about all different things; for things to go smoothly serving 500 people, for everyone to feel God’s love through this time of fellowship, and most of all for everyone to leave with grateful hearts for all that the Lord provides. It was so moving, so encouraging, so fantastic to be a part of such a powerful moment at my church. It was one of those moments that you know God is looking down and smiling at the genuine hearts he was watching.

After this, we proceeded to our seats and waited for our turn to begin ushering. We were second shift and so we chatted and watched the loads of people pour into the church room to find a seat. Finally it was our time to help so we grabbed a nametag and looked for people to assist to find seats. By this time, most of the people who were coming had already arrived, so we ended up with very little to do. But because of this we were able to enjoy praise and worship which soon began. A few of us who had gathered in the back of the room sang along to the songs which were all about how great God’s love is, and how we are so grateful for all he does. It was so powerful seeing a group of people so eager to feed themselves physically but also spiritually. The pastor asked us to hold hands while we prayed, so I grabbed the hands of two of my small group members, and we all prayed together. In this huge room with almost 500 people, we were all interlocked praying to the Lord. Powerful. We continued to hold hands while we sang another song about God’s love and I just couldn’t help but get choked up by the power of it all. It was so meaningful to be there and I truly felt so blessed to be able to take part in that moment.

 

Of course, the food was delicious! We had all the usual players; turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, bread rolls, and pumpkin pie! We all ate at our table, laughed and joked about how full we were, but the food is not what will stick with me from this night of giving thanks. The love that was in that room is what I will remember. God’s love, from wall to wall. He is the one I give thanks to during this holiday, and every day.

Can you two step?

There is a little piece of the South here in Seoul, South Korea. It is a place that we call “Country Bar.” I wasn’t even sure of its real name for the longest time because that is what everyone seems to call it. Country bar is in Itaewon (a district of Seoul) which is known for its foreigners. This is the place you find good Mexican food, Outback Steakhouse, western bars or clubs, and other “tastes like home” restaurants. Of course, this is where you will find a bar that plays nothing but good old southern country music all night long.

When you walk into country bar you immediately take notice to all the American’s inside. There are very few Korean’s besides the few that work there. So as an American who walks into most Korean places and is the minority, I fit in just fine here with all my American comrades! There is a huge American military presence here as most of the boys two-stepping are in the army or marines. For this reason on week nights the bar is usually empty as military curfew is very early, but on weekends the curfew is 1am so the boys get to shine their cowboy boots and put them to work on Friday nights!

This is where my story starts. This week we decided to make an appearance at country bar although it was a weeknight as we were already in Itaewon. Being right up the street and feeling like we wanted to do a little line dancing, we headed up to our favorite country hang out. (who am I kidding….the ONLY country hang out!) Sure enough, we walked in and we were the only one’s there! We had the whole bar and dance floor to ourselves. So naturally we got to know the staff pretty well being the only ones there. By staff I mean the ONE Korean bartender. Now this woman is a 60-something Korean woman, strict as can be, and I guess she likes country music. Through our conversation I asked her if I could make a “NC playlist” on the computer so we could have our favorite songs play. She of course said yes so I proceeded to but a little Carrie Underwood, Tim Mcgraw and Miranda Lambert mix together.  By request from one of my good friends I also played “She thinks my Tractors Sexy” by Kenny Chesney and tried very hard to remember a country line dance that another friend had taught us. The Korean bartender laughed at us, and said when we come back she will get someone to teach us how to dance to country music. We laughed and kept dancing the night away.

Come Friday night, we decided to head back over to country bar and see if our favorite bartender was working. We walked through a group of soldiers on the way in and sat at the bar waving to our friend, the Korean bartender! We asked her what we should call her, and she said Kim, so we chatted a little with Kim and checked out the scene. It was pretty full, mostly with soldiers with cowboy hats on who kept two-stepping with pretty ladies on the dance floor.  Kim smiled at the dancers and muttered something under her breath and called over a young cowboy who looked about 15 years old! Now, you can’t enlist at 15 so I’m going to venture a guess that he was 18, but either way he had a baby face and could not keep off the dance floor! We heard her say to this cowboy something about teaching a two-step in broken English and then she pointed to us. Before we knew it he was by our side asking us if we were ready to learn how to country dance! He went over to the computer to set up some good songs, and then grabbed my friend’s hand. She was totally embarrassed but ended up doing great as he spun her around the dance floor. I was next, and I’m not going to lie, I was so excited to learn! We have gone to Country bar many times and have never been the girls on the dance floor dancing the right way to country music, so I felt like this was my golden opportunity to convert to a TRUE country dancer. Not a ‘hips shaking to the music’ kind of dancer, like a true two stepping fool to Garth Brooks or Blake Shelton.

After I finished stomping my boots on the dance floor to Carrie Underwood I went and sat down with my friend again. A slow song came on, which I swear went on for like 6 minutes and Kim was getting annoyed. She kept saying “TOO LONG, TOO LONG.” She waved over the other man who works the computer, who doesn’t look 15 he looks more like 35, and he wears it well. But he was not changing the music like Kim wanted. She looked at me and said “you do, Sexy song!” I said “What?” and then my friend started singing “She thinks my tractors sexy.” I gave her a quizzical look and she pointed at the computer and said “GO GO!” I was a little nervous either the 15 year old or 35 year old would get mad at me touching their computer, but I went ahead and put on my “NC Playlist” anyway beginning with Kenny Chesney. Everyone started singing all the words and it was a big hit! The older guy ran over to the computer realizing someone had touched it and began to change my playlist. He was a little territorial if you ask me, but I knew my playlist was a hit and Kim gave me the green light! I was told later he was not changing it he was ‘fixing it.’ But if it ain’t broke…..

The 15 year old asked me for another dance. As he spun me around he proceeded to tell me that him and the other guy don’t actually work at Country bar, they just help “Mama” with the music.  “Who is Mama?” I asked him, trying not to start laughing. He pointed to Kim and said he loves to help her out and he calls her Mama. I decided at that point I would call him ‘youngin’, and the older guy the ‘old man’ so I could talk about them without any confusion. Before we knew it “Proud to be an American” came on and I looked at my friend and we knew what was coming. The bar went in an uproar of tone deaf soldiers singing their hearts out! We totally joined them and were laughing and smiling with these patriotic cowboys. But as it ended, things got serious.

All the cowboys turned to the Rebel flag and the American flag, standing as still as a statue, as the national anthem came over the speakers. Now, even though I know that this happens every Friday at 12pm, it still takes me by surprise. I hurried to my feet and put my hand over my heart and tried not to laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I love the USA, but there’s something so bizarre about taking that moment to honor your country at 12pm on a Friday night, in Seoul Korea, surrounded by cowboys. Me and my friend smiled and looked at each other, and knew it was time to go. The boys get a little rowdy after their anthem comes on, so we wanted to end the night on a good note! What better way than to leave a bar with the national anthem stuck in your head? J We said goodbye to Youngin and Kim, promising to come back soon, and found our way back to reality as we walked back onto the streets of Seoul. But we were not walking out empty-handed, we had a new skill to add to our resume; two steppin.

Social Butterfly

I have always been told that people fall into two categories; introverts and extroverts. An introvert is someone who gets energized by being by themselves, and extroverts get energized by being in social situations and being around others. I can't help but struggle with this idea because so much of me acts and feels like an extrovert. I am very outgoing and love to get to know new people, but I also really love being by myself. When I am alone is when I get time to reflect and therefore feel refreshed for the upcoming days, so that is why I feel like more of an introvert most days. I think I am like my Mom in this regard, and since she is my bestfriend I don't consider it a flaw, but it can be a slippery slope sometimes.

If you ask anyone who knew me, really knew me, back in NC I was no social butterfly. I would MAYBE go out for dinner once a week and rarely do anything on the weekends besides cook a nice dinner and rent a redbox movie. Snuggling with my puppy and turning in around 11:30 was a good Friday night for me, which was odd considering my age. You would think I was maybe.....late 30's, 40's or older with children to worry about and a busy schedule. But you would be wrong. I was NOT acting anywhere near how most 26 year olds would act and I was determined to work on my 'social side' when I got to Seoul.

Well I have to say it has been a drastic change. I now go out on the town, meeting new people, and seeing new things about 3 times a week if not more. I often chat with the girls that live in my building frequently during the week, or at least feel guilty about shutting my apartment door at 7pm without having a few kind words in the hall or inviting someone over! It's like someone has inhabited my body and changed this side of me completely!

It's been a blast getting to do so much, and getting to see so much of Seoul so often, but being so social is a fine line for me. I have learned that even with this new social lifestyle over here, I HAVE to find time to be by myself or I end up feeling like I'm running in circles. I mean let's be honest, it's exhausting, for me anyway. It's just how I am built....when I am in my apartment relaxing and cooking dinner it is NOT natural to want to invite a friend over to relax with....it is natural to put on some music and sing by myself! I have realized taking this time is not a flaw by any means, it is an ingrained part of who I am which has brought me so many of my successes in life. Being able to be so independent is a strength, not an antisocial issue to be worked on!

Even still, I work hard to fight that natural urge to read a book in bed, or stream a TV show in my room with the door shut and never think twice about the people or things I could be doing. In my life all of the amazing moments which have been made always included myself being with other people, so I will not pass up those opportunties.

Afterall, in the words of George Strait;

"Everyday I wake up knowing it could be my last! I ain't here for a long time, I'm here for a good time!"

Mani Pedi for my Seoul

It has been a long few weeks here in Seoul with me being super sick and having lots of issues based around my health, so I decided I deserved to give myself a treat! My poor feet are worn down ragged from all the walking that I do now in this big metropolis and from standing on them teaching young Korean children the English language for 50-55 hours a week! I thought a good pedicure would be just the remedy for my feet, and then agreed my hands could use some work too. So I decided to throw in a “gel polish” manicure in for myself as well. (gel nail polish is a polish which does not chip for 4 weeks so its way worth the money if you are a klutz like myself and chip your nails everyday.)

I went to work and asked my Korean managers where to get my nails done. They drew me a map of a place near where I lived and wrote in Korean “gel polish”. They also taught me how to say “gel” which funny enough sounds basically like “gel-aay-ugh.” I was excited but also admittingly a little nervous about this little adventure I was going on.

As I reached the nail Salon called “Tiara” I entered and began to try to explain what I wanted done. All of the signs were in Korean and neither of the two manicurists spoke a lick of English. It took about ten minutes to get across what I wanted (gel manicure and regular nail polish pedicure). They put me up on a seat for my pedicure and had my toenails OVER a sink, but did not use any water or scrubbing. The other woman was doing my nails, just as I have had done before, filing and clipping away as usual. They spoke back and forth in Korean, and I thought ‘hey, this is just like at home when I can’t understand what my manicurist is saying!’ Still for some reason, I listened really hard as if I would pick up things they were saying because I live in Korea…..but once again my limited Korean failed me as the ten words I know in Korean did not fall into their discussion.

Although I was a little confused about when the pumice stone was going to come out, I couldn’t help but notice how much attention to detail they both had. They were so meticulous in their work; filing until perfection, painting so evening and taking their time. I finally got up the courage to ask the woman doing my toes why she was not using the water. (I did this by pointing to the water spout and putting my hands up in a quizzical fashion and saying ‘why.’ Remember, no English means lots of gestures!) She said something in Korean and mimed the price 50,000 won, basically saying instead of paying 25,000 which gets you the basic toenail stuff done you have to pay double for the whole shebang. If you want them to get down and dirty with your tough skin and dirty feet it’s going to cost you in Korea! I never realized how good I had it in NC when I could get a pedicure (soap bath, pumice stone and all) for $25 to $30! Good times….

Regardless when my nails were done they looked amazing! I made a mental note to remember the price differences for next time, since I clearly cannot read any of the signs and it is pure luck I have understood this much already! I was going to get up and pay when the woman said something in Korean, shook her head furiously, and put my foot dryer on for another cycle. She in so many gestures communicated to me that my feet would not dry for 1 hour because it was regular nail polish and not gel nail polish on my toenails!

(soap opera on TV, she is crying!)

Now, since I understood by this point she was a perfectionist and this was a quality I like about my manicurist I decided just to hang out under the foot dryer for another 20 minutes until she was happy for me to leave. I proceeded to watch her and her colleague do two other women’s nails as they all intently watched a Korean soap opera. After twenty minutes of me also watching this soap opera, since I had nothing else to do while I was waiting, I decided all soap operas are the same. Although I have no idea what they were talking about in this episode I know someone was very sick and the dramatics of it all made 6 people cry in the first 8 minutes. There was terrible camera work, long pauses, poorly emphasized words that I am sure were not even that meaningful, and drama drama drama. Just another episode of “Days of our Lives” if you ask me! J

Anyway, back to the nails. When I got to the point where I thought my head was going to pop off from watching this Korean soap opera I waved over the manicurist and pointed to my watch signaling her I had to leave. She touched my toe nails, made a “tsk tsk tsk” sound, and reached for some plastic wrap. She was upset because I did not wear flip flops to the salon. My shoes instead were closed toe which she felt would mess up the polish. (but it was 40 degrees outside today so flip flops would not have been appropriate!) She then proceeded to wrap my feet in plastic wrap giving a barrier between my toes and where they would hit the top of my shoe.

It was very considerate, but also very humorous as I thought about walking home like this. I paid her, thanked her, and promised to come again. As I walked home with plastic wrapped toes, waddling down the street like a penguin, I decided that my first mani pedi in Korea was a great success!

I am a good speller

"I am a good speller.....I am a smart boy." Jason repeats to me as tears stream down his face. I hug him and console him, but he is completely overwhelmed with sadness as he got a spelling word wrong today.

This is a weekly ritual that I have with Jason, a loving and smart little boy, in my Kinder class. We have a spelling test everyday in Kinder and I always pray he get his words correct. If he does not, he immediately falls apart and is distraught by his imperfect score. Now, I was a sensitive child when I was younger so I understand wanting to do well and being genuinely upset when things do not go as planned, but sometimes I wonder if it is more than that.

Here in Korea there is such a high standard for children to perform even at a young age when it comes to their education. Children are at school from 9 until 7pm and are learning numerous languages and the parents expect perfection due to the prices they pay for their child's schooling. They discipline hard here, and it is not uncommon to hear a child say that their parents hit them if they don't behave or don't do well in school. When I first was told that I would hear comments such as these it what very hard for me to comprehend, but now I see why people warned me about it. The children will say these kind of comments so nonchalantly and I honestly live in a sweet denial world and act like what they say is not actually happening.

"It makes me sad when my Dad hits me..." is a common one I hear at school. Or "Teacher, when you write that in my notebook, I will get hit at home." Or even, "when I miss my spelling words my Mommy hits me." I can't even let my train of thought go to the place where I think that MY ACTIONS could cause a parent to hit their child (like writing about their naughty behavior in their notebooks). When I ask other teachers who have been here longer what they do when kids tell them such things, they simply do the same thing as me; let it roll off their back and in one ear and out the other. It's simply too hard to let it sink in or think you could actually do something to change something ingrained in Korean culture.

So when little Jason, sweet little Jason, began his crying episodes about a month ago whenever he would get his words wrong on a spelling test my mind went to the movie "The Help." If indeed he was in a home situation where he was being told he was stupid or not good enough for not doing well on his spelling tests, and God for bid he was even getting hit for it, then I was determined to change his mindset. In "The Help" there is a maid named Abilene who tells a little girl encouraging words every chance she gets because her own Mother does not know how to, or simply wont do it. At every moment she can she gets the little girl to repeat these words:

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

So when Jason sees me mark an "X" next to his spelling word instead of a check mark, and his face crunches up and the tears begin to flow I give him a big hug, rub his back, and make him look at me square in the eye. Then I say "Repeat after me.....I am a good speller, I am a smart boy." Although every time he hesitates, or sobs in between words, he repeats back those words and I wipe his tears and he sits down. I figure after so many months of this pattern, he will stop remembering the words he misspelled or any reprimands he may get because of them, he will instead remember my words to him.

"I am a good speller....I am a smart boy."

Loving Discipline

There are many types of teaching techniques. Different children need different kinds of teachers and teaching methods. But after numerous years of working with toddlers and young children I believe I know how their mind works. I know what makes them happy, sad, devious, and comforted. I can tell by a flicker in their eye what they are thinking or what their next move is most likely going to be, and I know the kind of response they need to change their behavior to one that is more appropriate.

I feel like I have a more extensive knowledge on this type of thing because I have worked with children with special needs. You have to have a fine tuned eye, ear, and sense of each individual child AND their disability to be able to predict/understand their behavior at any given moment. You want to talk about unpredictable behavior? Walk into an AU classroom (class with numerous children with Autism) and try to decipher what each child needs....or what each child is even thinking about. Not only is every child with Autism different but sometimes a child with Autism can not speak so they can not tell you what is bothering them with their words......you only have their behavior to decode to come up with a solution to whatever is ailing them. It is completely and totally up to you to figure out that the tag on the back of their shirt is bothering them and that is why they are throwing a tantrum, or the dump truck down the street is too loud and that is why they are plugging their ears. Sometimes you will never know. But if you can thrive with these children, helping them to become successful, earning their trust, breaking through the "Autism-barrier" that sometimes takes them to a whole other world we are not a part of..... then i would venture to say that you can work with ANY child and be able to see exactly what they need.

I was not sure how this kind of experience and knowledge of children would translate to working with children of a foreign culture. Would their mannerism's still be the same? Would I still have that same intuition that helps me to see when to give in and when to hold strong? I had been told of so many differences between Korean children and American children, but aren't all kids still just kids at the end of the day? Regardless of race, culture, or language spoken?

My answer was almost immediate. Within the first few days I saw very quickly that my suspicions were correct. Kids are kids, all over the world. They still would get a devious look in their eye when they were about to disobey the teacher or light up when they were praised for something they excelled at. As I got to know each child in my class more intimately, I could tell what kind of teacher they needed me to be for them to succeed in my classroom. For the kids that rely on their friends helping them all the time or me spoon feeding them the answers, I give some tough love and a lot of praise when things are done correctly. For the ones that do their work with ease I demand better handwriting and more creative thinking. For the ones that are quick to tear the pages in their book, hit another kid, or begin speaking in Korean to their classmates I discipline often and give frequent structure too so they don't have wiggle room to get off task. I give opportunities to all kids to "be my special helper", to gain rewards from me, and praise the child who is sitting nicely instead of getting mad at the one who is bouncing in and out of his seat.

These tactics are things I have picked up over the years that help my crazy classroom to flow here in Korea. Yes I discipline often, and I expect a lot from my students every single day. But I also take time to hold their hands as we walk in the hall, give them stamps and smiley face stickers, bring candy when they do well on tests, and give lots of hugs! So even when I am hard on them, not a single child in my class has a doubt that I don't love them to bits. After only 1 month of having me I would get homemade drawings that said "I love you Ms.Nikki" and their parents humbled me with compliments on parents day. I was even told "My boy doesn't usually open up to new teachers the way he has opened up to you in such a short period of time. It shows how much he trusts you and likes you as a teacher."

Knowing and understanding children's behavior is so essential to being a successful teacher. Without this, you would be lost how to run your classroom. Everyday I hear about how other children act in other classrooms. I hear how other teachers choose to discipline, teach, and eventually try to reach their children on a level that makes it impossible for them not to succeed. But it my classroom we work from one strategy that has helped me over the years; loving discipline.

HALLO-WHAT?

Halloween was a fantastic event here in Korea! The children were so excited to come to school all dressed up, and for once the kids studies went out the window! It was all games, costumes, and trick or treating for October 31st!

My day began as I entered my classroom and saw 4 gorgeous princesses before me, as all the girls wanted to be some sort of a fairy tale princess. All my crazy boys (8 of them....the ratio is so unfair) were dressed up as something very scary or dangerous! We had transformers, Spiderman, ninja's, and then one not so dangerous, more lovable than anything else....witch.

The morning started with journals as usual, and I couldn't help but think that this day was going to be chaos mixed in with hysterics as I turned around and found spidey looking at me like this:

 

I began to laugh so hard I almost had tears in my eyes, but then I reminded myself I could not mess up my Tiger make up! Oh yes, I came to school as a Tiger, and all my kids would NOT STOP pulling on my tail all day. We played fun games like wrapping a classmate up as a mummy and pin the nose on the pumpkin. It was absolutely NUTS in our school with children crazy from all the sugar, whipping around their swords or fairy wands and poking other childrens eyes out! It's also very entertaining to watch a fellow teacher dressed up as a pirate or a detective being completely serious disciplining a child, when they look totally ridiculous. And of course the children kept taking off parts of their costumes and by the end of the day we had no idea what child had the ninja mask and what child had the feather bowa.

 The day ended with trick-or-treating. I was told I HAD TO TEACH my kids "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat." It was my choice whether I wanted to continue the chant and teach them the part about seeing each others underwear. At first, I thought this was a joke, then I realized how serious my boss was, so I figured why not? This day is already bizarre, why not add in an inappropriate American Halloween song for these 6 year olds to learn? So we chanted our way around the classrooms filling up our Halloween bags and the kids went home happy and WIRED!

 

I, on the other hand, went home exhausted....totally and completely exhausted. But it was a chaotic beautiful mess that I will never forget! A Halloween for the books, that's for sure.