Feed your soul

These days I have been overwhelmed with the number of things on my to-do list. I am working more than I ever have in my life, doing research for my trip around Asia, and trying to begin a nonprofit back in the States. By doing all of this, it would be an understatement to say I am spreading myself pretty thin. By the time Friday comes around I am completely wiped out, and end up sleeping until the afternoon hours on Saturdays. I see the finish line in 6 weeks, so I am not too worried about how I will make it through this chaotic time. But today, I realized that for some the finish line is no where in sight. This kind of lifestyle is all that many Koreans know.

In Korea the normal working hours are between 9-7pm Monday through Friday if your lucky. This is basically the minimum as many people work on weekends as well. Now that I am working 50+ hours a week I can truly relate to the exhaustive state that they must be living in. It is no coincidence that with these work hours the suicide rate it quite high in Korea. I have absolutely no doubt these facts are related.

Beyond that the children I teach also are on a 9-7pm minimum school/activity schedule throughout the week. Today I was talking to a child who explained his insanely long days to me. His schedule was such:

Mon/Wed/Fri: elementary school from 9-2:30, academy from 4:30-7, tae kwon do until 8pm
Tues/Thursday: elementary school 9-1:30, 3:30 soccer 5:00 piano lessons 7pm: studying English through rosetta stone, reading English books, and doing homework.

On weekends he said he learns more tae kwon do for about 3 hours, and then finally has time to play and have fun. Throughout the week, when he is finally done with his extracurricular activities and school, he does not get time to play. He is home at 7 and needs to eat and shower before he can relax. If he get's a chance he watches some tv around 10pm. He has lots of homework, reading, and studying to do for his activities that consume most of his evening. After hearing this, the shock and amazement was all over my face and I said to him "Isn't that too much to do? Aren't you tired? You never get to have fun and just be a kid." His response was "Yes, but it will make me successful. I need to do these things. I can have fun on the weekends."

This is the norm for most of the children I teach in Korea. I personally can't fathom growing up and having such a minuscule childhood that was only played out on the weekends. Throughout the week it would be all business, all hard work, and no time for play if I lived in Korea. There is a distinct reason why we are told early on that we can't live our lives with 'all work and no play!' We have to let loose or else we can't get through another 10 hour day. We have to take time to nurture and feed our soul not just develop our brains and talent.

I am realizing just how important this is as I am in my fourth 50+ hour week of work. I have had two melt-downs thus far and realized I can't have a third. The4se moments came purely from being too tired to function, so tears just came out. I felt like a little kid that was so incredibly tired, crying to their mother because they needed sleep. Well, I thank God that during my childhood my exhaustion came from too much time running around after my friends in the summer heat instead of 10 hours of work work work. Childhood, time off, time to let loose and act your age (or like a kid again) is all too important to put to the side. You won't get to it tomorrow, and you can't work it away. It's a need we have to fill.

Moving forward into my next 6 weeks of working over 50+ hours, I have realized I need to feed my soul. Whether that means Starbucks in the morning, or fighting through the monsoon season to still be able to skype with my family, I need to replenish what is being drained. I know what I need to get through the tough hours that I am working, and I will stay focused on the end result.

The end result is Mama coming to Korea in 43 days. Praise God for a finish line.

Birthday Abroad

I had the opportunity this year to spend my birthday in Korea. I have spent other birthdays abroad, but nothing will quite compare to the numerous festivities I received here in Seoul! My first exciting celebration was a month before my actual birthday when my good friend planned out a days worth of festivities for me! First we went to a Korean baseball game, which had been on my to-do list for a while. It was such a different experience than the baseball games back at home, as people were chanting, dancing, and waving around these blow up clapper sticks! With baseball being the main sport over here, the clear favorite, the crowd really got into the game. The energy in the stadium was out of this world, and I was so excited to get to experience it!

Then she took me to okkinomiyaki which is one of my favorite Japanese meals. I figured the surprises were coming to an end, but she had thrown me a surprise country birthday party also! There was sweet tea, cowgirl hats, and two-steppin boots all around! My friends enjoyed country music, yummy southern treats, and some fantastic trivia! We even played an egg tossing game where one egg happened to splatter all over me. We laughed like crazy out in the street, and the neighbors probably thought we were nuts! But we had to get a little rowdy and crazy if we were going to celebrate a southern girls birthday, right? It was such a sweet surprise and the night was one of the best nights I've had here in Seoul.

Because of this array of events that had already happened, I did not expect much on my actual birthday. I felt like I was already so lucky to have had a great day and night of celebration the month prior, but the day of my birthday surprised me even more. I got to school and all of my Kinder children had dressed up as superheros or princesses. I myself had put on some bedazzled hair accessories for the special day, but my kids looked better than I could have ever guessed! I couldn't believe they dressed up for me!

The moment I walked into my Kinder classroom I was flooded with cards and presents from these superheroes and princesses. They gave me huge hugs and kisses and said "Happy Birthday Ms.Nikki!"

I automatically felt overcome with joy that my special day was somehow special for the kids I love the most in Korea also. Their parents had put together a little birthday party for me including festive cupcakes, balloons, and a flower bouquet. I think its the first teacher birthday party in LCI's history, as usually the kids get the celebration not the teachers, which also made me feel so loved.

After Kinder ended I then got a sweet potato cake from the LCI staff and they sang happy birthday to me. I was surprised I actually liked this interesting cake, but I realized its just like pumpkin pie. Rich, sweet, and the perfect texture. It just works even though it sounds gross! Later I got another cake from an elementary student I teach that was a blueberry cheesecake. All my cakes were so delicious, and I probably ate at least 5 slices of cake by the end of the day.

My entire day at school was more fun than I could have ever asked for, and made me feel incredibly loved. I honestly didn't have a single moment when I missed home or missed my family. I was surprised by this, but it shows just how happy I was that day when I was receiving continuous love from friends and students. But the celebration was not over! After school I went to a fancy Korean barbeque dinner with some new and old friends.

We had some of the best wine I have ever tasted, melt-in-your-mouth beef, and lots of delicious side dishes and veg that was grilled. The conversation was hysterical, the people were so much fun, and I could not stop smiling and laughing!

We continued the fun with a visit to a local Japanese restaurant where we got some fantastic sake and more yummy treats. One of these was fried chicken and another was a tofu and cheese mixture. All together, it tasted so good with the smooth sake that was paired with it.

tofu and cheese mixture

Overall, my birthday was utterly perfect. Whether the love was from my students, friends, or family back home I felt engulfed in it all day. I was in disbelief of the kindness I received, and felt so genuinely appreciated by the people I care about the most. I felt like the happiest girl in the world, and couldn't have had a better birthday abroad. 

 

A life too short

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

I woke up this morning to some shocking news. A friend of mine that I went on a mission trip with back in 2010 died suddenly. My facebook was full of people's status updates honoring this amazing  man who died from a fall or something equally as unpredictable (the details aren't clear yet). He was so young, and should have had many more years left to live out in this world. He was a great guy who loved the Lord, loved children, loved to help anyone in need and basically was an all around honorable person. I knew him from this trip, and from his kind donations to the causes I have advocated for since our trip. He always wanted to do the right thing and to give back to those in need, and this was one of the traits I admired in him the most. 

Thinking of the news of his sudden death for his close friends and family tears my heart out. I am truly sad because of the loss this world has faced by now having one less generous man in my home town. One less kind, selfless, and loving man to spread the love of Jesus to anyone they meet. But more so I am very saddened for my other friends who I went on the mission trip with who knew him deeply and who are severely affected by his death. I can't imagine the pain of getting such shocking news that you could not prepare yourself for. That kind of news changes people, it changes how you grieve, and it changes how you live. 

The people in my life that I have lost have all been incredibly sick, so I knew their death was coming. This by no means made it easier, but at least I prepared myself in some small way for not seeing them again. I hugged them extra hard, or called more often, and basically was very conscious of doing all the things you are supposed to do on a daily basis with the people you love. But let's be honest, sometimes life gets in the way of being so loving and open about your feelings and until you know someone's days are limited you can sometimes forget to put in the time or effort. Many times, our minds go to the place of 'I will do it tomorrow, I will call tomorrow.' Knowing you won't get the chance to say these things again urges you take the extra time to makes lasting final memories with them though. I have always wondered what would be worse, being able to prepare for someone's death or having it happen suddenly, and today I know that the sudden death of a loved one would be an incomprehensible pain that would leave a lasting scar. 

Knowing that these kind of situations happen in life, one day your calling to make weekend plans and the next your going to their funeral, is enough to make anyone evaluate their life. I personally find comfort in knowing he is with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who he dedicated his life to serving. But it makes me incredibly sad about the day that people close to me pass away who don't know Jesus. God works in his own mysterious ways to invade our lives and give us reasons to change our ways for the better. He gives us so many opportunities to see the goodness he possesses, and the peace he offers in being our Lord and leader of our life. But so often we don't want to give up control of our lives to someone else, we ignore all the reasons and opportunities, and continue to live our lives as we see fit. Well as someone who has lived life like that, and now is living life for Jesus, please let me tell you how incredibly worth it it is to surrender your life to the Lord. The peace, the love, and the support I feel by knowing Christ is so much more than I can put into words. I finally woke up from the selfish life I was living and realized I needed guidance about the right way to live out my days. I have been rewarded in so many ways by making this choice, and my life is so much richer now that I am not living for myself anymore. All it takes is a desire to find out more about our Lord that can change the course of our lives. 

Now, I've never been one to push my religion down people's throats, tell people what choices to make, or to ever act like I am better than others. I can only make choices for my own life, living the way God has taught me to live, and hope others can find their own way. Well, forgive me for being candid, but knowing the Lord does have a clock on it. If we all keep running around living our lives selfishly and never wanting to relinquish control to the Creator of the World than we may miss our chance. We may have a fall or something equally as sudden, and die earlier than we ever should have. Our lives can end at any moment, and you won't get a chance to know Jesus. As much as I am happy to live my life for Christ, and just pray for the people I love who don't know him, I also feel a sense of urgency for them. I want them to have the great peace that I have now, that enables me not to worry about the day I will die.

When I die, I will be happy to go out of this world full of hate and pain to a place where pain does not exist. I will be going to a place more beautiful than I can imagine, and will never cry again. Injustice has no place there, neither does grief or sorrow. I will finally get to see my creator and worship and love Him for all eternity. When I die, I will be thinking JACKPOT, finally, I'm going home! Don't let fear, doubt, or stubbornness cheat you out of the same hopeful mindset whenever that day comes. He is calling us all home one day, and that day can be sooner than you think. 

R.I.P Justin. You will be dearly missed and will be a lesson for us all to get our lives right today because we don't know what tomorrow holds. You were a man of God who touched so many lives. Enjoy paradise. I will see you there.

  I can only imagine, 

what it will be like, when I walk by your side

I can only imagine 

what my eyes will see, when your face is before me

I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory

what will my heart feel

will I dance for you Jesus

or in awe of you be still

will I stand in your presence

or to my knees will I fall

will I sing Halleluiah

will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine.

Pure Spirit

There's something so amazing about someone you love giving you a compliment and encouraging you to move forward, but for me it sometimes can be more impactful when hearing it from someone who I barely know. I am spoiled rotten to have an extremely supportive family who encourages me to reach my goals and to face the impossible. I know that every time someone in my family says they are proud of the woman I have become it is a sincere and honest compliment. But I also know that they are my family, my blood, and part of being a supportive mother is telling your child they are amazing.

It seems there have been distinct moments in my life where I have received some of the best clarity from absolute strangers. I remember feeling like periods of my life were not successful or not productive and all it took was a stranger putting things into the most basic of perspectives that helped me to see things clearly. I'm sure someone in my family said something very close to the exact words that this stranger uttered, but sometimes you need a non-biased third party to help you to see the bigger picture. I will always remember those moments, and today I had another one which will be added to the list.

I have a new friend here in Seoul who is an extremely successful Korean businessman. He is a dreamer, just like me, and the big ideas he has had in the past have become a successful reality for him. He still has monumental plans for his future and I was fortunate enough to hear how this man, totally different from me, was dreaming big for his future today. It made me think of the dreams I have for myself to have a family, to open a nonprofit, and to ultimately change the world. He knows about my dreams because he has read all about them here on my blog, and today he asked me a few more questions about my big dreams for DTM. He asked me simple questions like "How did you get the foundations name?" "What will you do when you get home for work?" and so on and so forth. We discussed the inspiration for my nonprofit, how the responsibility is quite heavily on my shoulders, and basic business and fundraising information. After some time passed and I knew he understood where I was coming from he looked at me and with a smile on his face he said "Nikki. you have a pure spirit." He followed that up with a few other very kind words, some which were translated on his phone, but nevertheless it was extremely touching. There I was thinking about how great HIS business was and how I can only hope and aspire to make my own nonprofit just as amazing, and yet he gave ME a compliment. Crazy old, wants to change the world, ME.

I know I have heard from friends and family that what I am trying to do with DTM is pretty awesome and pretty significant, but I have also heard the complete opposite. I have heard that it will be impossible, that there are a million things against me, and my own doubts of my capability to pull this off sometimes takes control of my mind. Today was a day where I felt completely overwhelmed by the task of still working as a teacher here in Korea, and yet trying to build a foundation at home. Some days I can do it, I can juggle it all, but today it just seemed like too much and I felt unprepared to meet my hefty goals. I continuously reassure myself and try to just take it day by day though. I know the mountain is entirely too big that I need to climb ahead of me, but I am working on getting all my gear together to be able to not just climb it but conquer it.

So, after a day like today, there was just something about this compliment that gave me the energy to move that freaking mountain. These kind words came from a completely non-biased third party, they broke through our differing language, and they broke through our differing cultures to make their point. He has nothing to gain by encouraging me, but he did so anyway in the most sincere way. I felt like my efforts were being seen, my dedication acknowledged, and my heart for DTM appreciated.

I felt re-energized and incomprehensibly happy. I couldn't stop smiling and finally felt like I was doing a great job at this endeavor. I began to really feel proud of my efforts instead of worrying they weren't enough. It didn't take much, but after a day of chaos and doubt, being validated was just the cure.

Happy Birthday America

This past week was the fourth of July. I woke up feeling exhausted and tired from a hard week, but then remembered what the date was and started to smile. I put on my red, white, and blue and left for work. I became very enthusiastic about a day that had not stirred up much excitement in me in the past.

Being the first generation of Americans in my family, as both of my parents are European, I have grown up with different traditions than most children raised in the South. I grew up putting a pillow case outside of my door for Santa Clause to fill with presents, and eating roast dinners on Christmas day. I am well aware of delicious foreign cheeses and choose baguette to pair with my meals. I had lullabies sung to me in French as a child, and traveled to Europe on many occasions to see family. Because of this I could never really relate to my friends who would have grits instead of crepes for breakfast, or would have huge family barbeques when part of my family was on another continent. I never even tried grits until I was 20 years old, and had no idea how to make sweet tea until I worked at Outback Steakhouse. For many of these reasons I felt like my heritage was not only American, but was very much European as well, so when July 4th came around I would feel excited about seeing fireworks but never felt that much pride in being an American.

Living in Korea for the past 11 months has really made me aware of how much I love my own country and its culture. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about Korean culture, and admire many things about the way they live their day to day lives here. But on the other hand, I have been able to see how much I miss some of the basic freedoms and acceptance that I feel living in my home of America. I miss the freedom of saying how you feel, even if it's negative, and not being looked down upon. I miss working normal hours and being able to take sick days because your life does not revolve around your job. I miss being able to cry at work without it causing a serious issue. I miss the place where children with special needs are not ignored or looked at as broken, instead there are services in place to help them reach their full potential. I miss being able to talk about God to whoever I see, because living in the Bible belt means that acceptable. As much as I love Korean bbq, I miss a good ol' American bbq with hamburgers, hotdogs and mac n' cheese. Learning about so many different Asian countries while being abroad has made me have a more worldy view on issues, but also made me very happy that I was born in the States. Every country has its flaws, but I love my country along with all its flaws and whatever it needs to change.

I took so much pride in telling my children that it was 'America's birthday' and taking time to have them color American flags.

As much as the western world is idolized over here, now living outside of my own country helps me to see the appeal. I feel so proud to be from such a special place that offers so much opportunity and allows dreamers to defy the odds. The impossible does not seem so impossible in the land of the free, where you are encouraged to change your circumstances and many times change the world.

My new found patriotic mindset made me eager to celebrate this day! Just because we are not in the States, didn't mean that we shouldn't pay attention to the date on the calendar. So my friends and I put together a good old fashioned American bbq and invited everyone over for a rooftop Fourth of July party.

We danced to country music, ate lots of mac n' cheese, and talked about home. All I could think was that I absolutely love to travel and learn about other countries, but I feel very blessed to call America my home. No matter how cultured you are, how much you embrace living abroad, or how much you submerse yourself in another countries culture and values, there is something special about what you consider home that sticks with you. America is my home, and I am so lucky that God decided I should grow up there. I finally see the pride that so many of my friends have had for years now, but it took me a year in an Asian country to fully understand it.

I am proud to be an American

where at least I know I'm free

and I won't forget the men who died

and gave that life to me

So I proudly stand up, next to you

and defend her still today

because there ain't no doubt I love this land

God bless the USA

Seoul chapter

The thing about starting a new chapter in your life is that another chapter has to end. I remember how sad I was to leave my family and Tootsie (my puppy) when I set off on my journey to live in Korea. It was something I had to prepare myself emotionally for, for weeks. When I arrived I continuously felt like I was off to a rugged start and missed my family and my own sense of normalcy. But I soon realized it was well worth the risk and the struggle of setting off onto a new path. I found amazing friends and found myself calling Seoul my home. Even as soon as a month into my new life here, I would miss my little studio apartment and Korean food when I was traveling. I would arrive back to our little street and see the local stores and feel like I was home. It was such a good feeling knowing I had made a great choice to start a new chapter even though closing the previous one had been incredibly difficult.

Well my Seoul chapter is on it's final pages here in Korea. There is still so much to be done, so many memories to make, and new places to explore. I look forward to continuing to enjoy the summer with the good friends I have here. But I know that my days are numbered, and in all honesty, I'm quite happy about that. Now being in my 11th month abroad, I spend more time thinking about home and missing the people I love. Knowing that the reunions are right around the corner is almost harder to deal with than knowing it's ages away. It's like you can taste it, although it's not a reality yet.

Part of my missing home comes from having to say goodbye to my closest friend here. She has been my rock while abroad and these last few months I have in Korea wont be the same without her. I have never worried about living life here in Seoul without her because we were supposed to finish our contracts at the same time. We would have been packing together, saying goodbye's together, and both moving forward with new and amazing adventures back home! We would go through the ups and downs of leaving our lives here in Korea, together. But with her getting an amazing job back at home that needed her two months earlier than she had anticipated to leave, the plans changed. There was no comfort in doing it together, there was just her leaving to see her family back at home and me still having two months on my contract. I am incredibly jealous of that fact she will be hugging her mother in a few hours time, and on many occasions have wished it was me taking the flight back today.

The thing about starting a new chapter is that you meet new people, become attached to new things, and realize you need or want things in your life that you had never anticipated you would. All of a sudden something you never had before, but became accustom to now, is a necessity from here on out. Extraordinary people make extraordinary friends, and make for extraordinary memories. The experiences you have shared are ones that will not soon be forgotten and the mark that these people make on your life is undeniable. But every chapter closes, and those people move on with their lives. I find myself holding onto the hope that the chapters in my life that are still to be written, are full of new extraordinary memories with the same extraordinary people.

I know how rich my life has been while in Korea because as the clock keeps ticking and America is coming into view, I am also becoming quite sad. As the friends fall away, the job, and the kids I teach I now realize that my new sense of normal will soon fall away as well. I soon will be mixed up in this intermittent space of what I used to know and all I've learned while being here, and somehow trying to make the two coexist.

The mixed emotions, the sadness of saying goodbye, all point to how blessed I am. I have people I love that I look forward to seeing soon and a home to go back to in NC. And as far as being sad about leaving the people and places that have made Seoul my home......well I wouldn't be sad to leave it all if it wasn't great while I was here. 

Monsoon-in'

We have officially entered monsoon season here in Korea. It's funny because they deemed it that time of year about 2 weeks ago, and yet we have had very little rain. Well, I think God heard everyone's comments and decided to make it official because today the rains came.


When I first got to Korea, last September, the country was smack in the middle of the heavy rains. My flight actually got delayed 2 days because of a terrible typhoon that was hitting Seoul. I literally got here, got drenched, and began to wonder why I left such nice NC weather for the mess I had fallen into. The rain just kept coming, every other day at the least, and I remember thinking it was going to be a long year. My feet were never dry, my hair was always curly, and I continuously had an umbrella attached to my arm. But I didn't realize that this season basically had put the amount of rain a typical country would get in 6 months and packed it into 3 months instead. When you do the math, it really equals out, because throughout winter and spring it barely rained, but then come summer it absolutely pours. Maybe I would grab my umbrella once every two weeks, but rain was not a frequent occurrence for the past 8 months. Korea's funny like that, the seasons are totally focused on one type of weather; they either want all sunshine or all rain.

So instead of getting the tail end of monsoon season like when I arrived in September and having it be a fleeting memory, I now will be getting in my seat and buckling up for the ride. I will have 3 months of wet memories and I have decided to make the most out of them. I may have more going on in my life now than I have all year, and may feel like I am being spread pretty thin, but stressing about a little rain doesn't do anybody any good. I'm sure I will wish I had rain boots up to my knees when the flooding starts, but I will just make-do with what I've got. I will submit to my curly hair genes and give up on the flat iron. I will become accustomed to wet shoes, minimal make-up days (since it's not waterproof), and my hair always ending up in a messy curly bun on my head. The rain won't slow me down, it won't hinder my massively productive summer, and it won't put a dark cloud over my travels.

I walked home with a friend of mine tonight and we were chatting as the rain came down lightly from the clouds. All of a sudden it started coming down so fast and hard, total torrential rain, and we could no longer hear what the other one was saying. Instead small screams and laughter replaced our  conversation and I just began to smile. I thought, 'here we go monsoon season' and decided to totally go with the flow. Literally...... by following the streams running through my street so I could get home! Who cares about rain anyway?  Whether it's a lot or a little, I am going to channel my inner child and start jumping through puddles and playing in the rain! It can make for a pretty fun time! Let the rain come, I'm not ready for it, but I'm willing to embrace it.