"Don't take it personally"

“Don’t take it personally” is something I have heard all my life. Whether it was at my job or from my family and friends I have heard it too many times to count. “You can’t take it so personally Nicolette because it will upset you.” Well I know that I am a sensitive person who does take things personally but it is an asset, not something to be tamed.  It may bring me a lot of pain or worry, but it also brings me a lot of conviction which inevitably makes me a better person. I can understand where people are coming from because I let myself feel the pain they are going through when I hear about their situation. I don’t want to go through my life ‘not taking things personally’ because then it’s like I am numbing myself to the emotions that God gave me. He made me the sensitive person I am today who wants to have relationships that count, wants to change injustices, and who feels moved by a strangers situation. 

Taking things personally is what makes me a good friend and a good family member as I am constantly putting myself in others shoes. “Someone got fired? How would that make me feel? Oh wow, she must be going through such a hard period. Maybe we can help her out.” That is where my mind goes when something happens in a loved ones life, but according to many people around me I should skip the whole ‘how would that make me feel’ as that is taking it too personally. Sure I have cried my eyes out over someone elses problem before, but it makes me human. It shows I have a soul and a heart. Does God call us to forget about what's going on in each others lives and only worry about ourselves? I think not.

There have been a few distinct times in my life where I took things personally. When I was working as a Developmental Therapist four years ago, I met a little girl named Megan who was very sick with Hurlers Syndrome. Her family was from out of state and had no where to stay while their daughter was getting treatment, so they were basically living out of the hospital. For some reason there were no charities coming to their rescue, offering any kind of assistance or resources, and they had to just accept this as their harsh reality. 

It bothered me a lot. “What a sad situation, but its not your problem” everyone said. “Why are you getting so down about this? There’s nothing you can do. It’s not your family, and you can’t help the system has holes in it. Stop taking it so personally,” I was told.

Luckily I didn’t listen to them. I found Megan and her family a place to stay which gave both them and I precious memories with her outside of the hospital before she passed away. Because I took it so personally I didn’t sit back idly and watch them being ignored by society. I took their injustice personally and let that emotion fuel my desire to fight for them. Because of that deeply personal experience I had with them I’m now opening a nonprofit to fill the holes that precious children are falling through. My ‘too personal’ outlook gave me the conviction to fight for them, and courage to try to right a wrong, and I will fight for other families just like them in the future. 

This also applies to the distinct and unsettling fact that children with special needs are not accepted or understood in Korea or many places in Asia. There are no services in place and kids are being called ‘abnormal’ and being placed under a terrible stigma. Well as luck would have it God put two children in my classes over here with pretty clear special needs. Why? I think he put them in my class because he knew I would take their struggles and difficulties personally. I would not be able to shake their situations off or dismiss my desire to try to help them. Because of this character trait, I have sat down in wildly uncomfortable and frustrating meetings with their parents and other staff trying to advocate for their child's needs. Most teachers won’t speak up for the child running up and down the halls flapping his hands, having trouble communicating, and showing severe delays across the board.Why? Not because they don't care or anything like that....but getting involved is a personal choice with personal repercussions. The fact I took their problems personally, and held them on my back as my own, has enabled me to help them as much as this culture will allow. 

Nothing irritates me more than when someone utters these words to me, as it seems that they don’t know how I tick. Am I supposed to walk through life letting nothing get inside and letting everything roll off my shoulders? Turning my back on a situation and saying 'oh well' has its place and time. The fact I do take things personally sometimes is not a trait that I should work on and try to erase from my personality, because it makes me good at my job and a good human being. Acceptance is also in my bag of tricks, but sometimes a little sensitivity about a situation is just what the doctor ordered.