Round peg, square hole

A ‘click’ or ‘gang’, basically any group of people that always hang together, is something I have never quite grown accustom too. In high school I could not stomach continuous separation of clicks and the way they mimicked and mocked one another trying to prove their status in the complicated teenage years. I was friends with everyone, and it got me into quite a few sticky situations. I would be friends with the skater or rebellious types that would wear backwards hats and air Jordan’s to school and then the popular group that would come to school head to toe in Abercrombie and Fitch. Then there was me, in my Hollister skirt, shirt from Target, and shoes that looked like air force one’s. Now, I clearly did not fit into any mold and was not willing to change for any ‘click’ that would demand it.  I hated how the individuals in these groups never had any accountability or responsibility for their actions. Afterall, everyone agreed on the 'right' things to do together. I would listen to one group talk badly about the other, day in and day out, and I would be in neutral awkward positions not understanding why everyone couldn’t get along? Now, this may be naive, but I still feel that way today. I mean we can at least be cordial and respectful of one another. Why must we be so judgmental and so harsh and try to force everyone to be exactly like us?

My determination of who became my friend was purely based on right and wrong. I could not be friends with a mean girl or any boy who enjoyed putting someone else down. I would always be the girl chiming in to stand up for the underdog getting annihilated by some jerk, both in high school and in college. I’ve even had friends get mad at me for stepping in to help someone in need when that person was in trouble, because our ‘group’ had some place to be. Well, you better believe I told the ‘group’ to keep it moving while I helped whoever it was that was in trouble. Shouldn’t we all learn how to humble ourselves to another person’s position?  I stand up for people who I know deserve it or need it, friend or stranger, and I determine my actions on the moral code I know for right and wrong. This is still how I determine my friends today; people who live their lives with this same sense of love and care for others.

Now, my actions are wrong quite often, but I pray about my choices daily hoping to become better at making the right ones. One thing I will never do though is bend to a group mentality, to a clicks way of thinking, to a choice someone else wants me to make. At the end of the day I answer to God alone, and my actions will be judged by him when I die, so everyone else’s opinion means slim to none in the long run. I want to be who He calls me to be. Most of the time that includes fighting for the little guy, going against the grain, and sometimes standing alone in my decisions; but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Do not conform to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

Whats your favorite animal?

Ever since I was a child my favorite animal was a monkey. My bed would be lined with rows of monkey stuffed animals and my walls would have posters plastered all over them with monkeys also. They just seemed so cute and cuddly and gentle. I thought it would be the coolest thing in the world to have a pet monkey of my own! Of course as I got older I eventually gave my monkey stuffed animals away and those posters were changed to N'sync posters and then eventually just plain white walls, but up until this year monkeys
still held the title of my favorite animal.

My trip to Malaysia and Indonesia was the game changer. We went to a place called the Batu Caves in Kuala Lumpur which was a huge cave inside of a mountain. There was a gorgeous gold statue in the front that was almost as big as the mountain, so immediately I was in awe of this destination! When the van parked we hoped out of the car and saw monkeys running around everywhere. They were jumping onto cars, on and off of buildings, and scurrying across telephone lines. It was so bizarre! I began to walk up to one to take a picture when our tour guide informed us that some of the monkeys were very aggressive, so please be careful. From that moment on, nothing was the same. We got into the caves and saw monkeys all around us and I was absolutely terrified. Who would have ever thought that the gentle, sweet monkeys I dreamed about in my childhood, were actually being called aggressive? All I could think about was one of them jumping onto me, biting me, and giving me rabies and me dying. Honestly, that was my train of thought. Just to take this picture, I was so nervous:

The highlight of my moneky filled horror was when we saw a Mama monkey with babies. I figured she may be protective, but she was probably nicer than the rest of the monkeys, so I just kept my eyes on her to try to not be so scared. As I grabbed hands with my friend and ran out of the cave, heart pounding and sweating all over, I realized my childhood fantasties about monkeys were just that; fantasties. A part of me was so sad that day as I realized my favorite animal had a dark side, but soon all sadness would turn to amazement as we got to Indonesia a few days later.

Something we knew we had to do while on our trip in Bali was to ride an elephant. So many people rant and rave about the experience so we ventured to the Bali Elephant Camp in Ubud one day. As we waited for our turn I watched these enormous animals walk around the camp with such grace and beauty. There is something so breathtaking about something so strong and yet so gentle. When our turn came to ride the elephants they asked us to stand up on a platform and the elephant would walk up to us and we would hop onto the seat on its back which would be level with us. We watched a few other people do it first and admired the elephants as they got closer. One couple was not on the platform so as the elephant walked up to the platform he had to wait there for a minute before his passengers arrived. I don't know what came over me, maybe I had more courage after my terrifying monkey experience, but I just bent down and reached my hand out as if to say hello. The elephant immediately moved its trunk towards my hand like it wanted to touch my hand. It then rested its trunk on the platform and I just looked into its eyes at this kind and gentle beast.

 

 

Our elephant came and it was just as sweet and fun as the friend I had just made on the platform. Her name was Jessica and she had a great personality that we got to see throughout our 30 minute ride. She was smart, she was beautiful, and she was even a little sassy. But the best part about all the elephants we encountered was that there was just so much promise and hope in their eyes. Not a mean streak, or bit of anger that would come out of them. They embodied every characteristic that I envision my favorite animal to have. I now love these large, gentle, kind animals and can't wait until I get to see another one!

Wobble, Bow, What up?

While sitting in a restaurant in India in 2011, I had my head in a menu and mumbled off something I thought I would like to order to a waiter. Imagine my surprise when I looked up from my menu and saw him wiggling his head from side to side. Not up and down in  a 'yes' movement, side to side, as if he was trying to touch his ears to his shoulders. After each person I was with ordered he would make this gesture for 'yes' and I just began grinning. It looked like so much fun, this little wobble of the head that he was doing, and I just thought it was so much cooler than nodding the way I was usually do. Someone mentioned he looked a little like a bobble head, which was very true, but that made this all the more appealing in my eyes. So of course I tried to mimic his movements over the next 9 days of my visit in his country. I ended up looking more like an idiot than someone trying to fit in with the customs of India, but I had such a fun time participating!

As I woke up from a sleepy long flight to Korea this past August, gathered my belongings, and exited the plane the flight attendants bowed to me and said Thank you in Korean. At first I didn't think much of it as I was half asleep, but then when I got to baggage claim someone else bowed in my direction. When I met my recruiter as I exited the airport in Seoul, he did the same, and so on and so forth. At first I felt very uncomfortable not knowing if I was supposed to bow back to him or what the protocol exactly was. But as I have lived here now for almost 5 months I have grown to truly love this tradition. It is such a respectful way to greet someone, regardless of if you know them or not, it's better than just a simple wave. It just seems like what people deserve. Koreans, as well as many other Asians, are giving others a moment of their time to acknowledge the importance of the other persons existence.

Driving down a popular street in my hometown I look out my window and see a group of people chatting with one another. A friend comes walking up to the group and the infamous head nod, up and down, begins. The footnote of this gesture is 'What up?'. It's so typical Americans to be so relaxed and informal in their greetings. Sure there are the huggers, and wavers, the people who will dap you up (younger generation term) but no where else in the world do you see the 'What up' head nod! So just like the wobble of the head is unique to India, and bowing is a well known Asian custom, the head nod is our gesture in the States. I do it all the time, whether someone is far from me or close by, I give them the 'What up' nod and a big smile! Sometimes it's nice to have an informal greeting to just say 'hey'.  And I will admit, getting a nod back from American teachers here in Korea is quite a nice taste of home.

Diverse Kuala Lumpur

Many people have been wondering how my trip to Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur went. Well, we had such a great time and did so many things it would be hard to recapture it all and do this city justice. So here are a few highlights of my 3 days stay in this city.

Everywhere you turned there was something new and different than wherever you just were. We saw so many people of different cultures, religions, with different dress, and who spoke different languages. This diversity at every corner almost made us fit in since we were different.

 

One marvelous place we visited was KL's Chinatown. There was something so electric, busy, and exciting about this area. There were street vendures selling foods and fruits that I had never seen before, and people calling out to us to check out things they were selling.




There were people laughing, whistling, and walking barefoot up and down the streets, and the place looked like a huge maze! At times it was overwhelming because of the chaos of it all, but mostly it was just fun and exhilarating!

At the end of Chinatown we found a hidden gem which we had heard so much about! It was a food stand where a man sold the best burgers in KL. They were called the 'Ramly Burger". We found him and were immediately impressed by the huge line and the demand for his product, and knew it must be worth the wait. So we placed our order and watched in amazement as he worked. He would make chicken, fish or beef burgers and would crack and egg onto the grill and wrap the cooked meat in the egg. Then he would toast the buns, add lettuce, onion and tomato and then add 3 special sauces. We had no idea what the sauces were but THEY WERE DELICIOUS. Two were red sauces, we think one of them being spicy and one being sweet, and then one white sauce similar to mayonnaise. The one thing you learn in Asian countries, don't ask what's in it.....just take a bite. So we did, and we LOVED IT!

 

Another fantastic part of my time in KL was our sight seeing day. Some of my favorite places included the Muslim Mosque and the Chinese Temple. I think these two were my favorite because we visited them back to back and they were such polar opposites of one another. The Muslim Mosque was a gorgeous Mosque that was all white and gold. When we entered we needed to take off our shoes and put on their traditional attire which they deemed acceptable to enter. For women this included a robe to cover up our bodies and a head scarf to cover our hair. Now, there were many people at the mosque who did not enjoy this 'costume change' but I found it so fascinating and exciting because it gave me a more inclusive feel of what it would be like if I wanted to visit places like this regularly or if I was part of this religion. I just felt like such a part of the Mosque being able to walk on the ground barefoot and feel the cool marble under my feet on such a hot day. I made sure I took a moment to take in the absolute breathtaking beauty of the gold and black columns against the white floors and ceilings. Not once did I care if this head scarf was going to mess up my hair or if my feet were getting dirty. It just felt so authentic, such a place of beauty and respect.

 

 

We then ventured off to the Chinese Temple called the Thean hou Temple. To be honest I was not very excited about this place because I have been to at least a handful of temples already in Asia and quite of few of them were Chinese, so I didn't see how this was could be very different. Boy, was I wrong! This place was absolutely HUGE and you could barely get it all in a picture. We were told about how it was used as a place of community for people in need of shelter and it reminded me of a movie I once saw about Mother Theresa. In that movie she talked about how places of worship should coincide with places of shelter and be available for people in need of a home, because after all, don't religion and grace not go hand in hand? It is something that has always stuck out in my mind, and hearing this similar history of this Chinese temple made me view it in such a loving manner. When we walked in we even saw a couple getting married there! It is still to this day being used to bring love and community to the people of KL and I got to witness it first hand.



There was also so much beauty incorporated in this temple. Between the rainbow colored dragons painted on the temple walls, the gold intricate shrine, to even the small lit candles burning, there was beauty and thought put into every crevice of the building. It gave me a feeling of awe, of joy, and mostly hope that got stronger the longer I walked around the place.

courtyard inside top level of Temple

Kuala Lumpur had so many amazing and diverse aspects to it! It is a city full of surprises and exciting opportunities around every corner. Whether this means to chow down on a Ramly Burger (with mystery ingredients) or dress up in traditional attire and enter a Muslim Mosque, you will always gain a new experience here. I have too many to fill my photo album now!

7 year old bliss

To be 7 again would be such bliss. It would mean believing in make believe again, and never second guessing that things would be OK. It would mean no responsibility just relying on Mommy and Daddy to take care of things. Learning how to read, do math, and grammar would be some of my hardest tasks instead of solving larger than life problems. I would go home and study hard for a spelling test instead of getting upset at the worlds injustices. The biggest fights I would have with friends would be over not returning my eraser.

Oh to be 7 again would mean I could shove my face with any food I wanted and never think about a gym. When someone spoke to me about a muffin top I would think of simply that, a muffin top, instead of the fat on my waist that doubled over the holidays. I would get excited about loosing teeth, and Santa coming, and not care when I spilled food all over my shirt. (Let alone stress about a stain) I would never worry about having food in my teeth or picking a wedgie in public as all my 7 year old friends would be doing it too. I would run everywhere feeling free as a bird, because walking would be something only a teacher made me do.

Oh to be 7 years old and like a boy. To have a crush would mean I could doodle a boys name on my spelling notebook or draw ninjas for him during playtime. I could give him the answers when he gets confused instead of worrying about if he has enough of an intellectual side for us to have a future together. I would frequently tell him we are best friends instead of playing hard to get. I could laugh and giggle with girlfriends, follow him around, and never once worry about if he had another girl on the sidelines.

Oh to be 7 years old and free of so many adult worries. How I crave to not have a care in the world and to have every problem fixed by a hug or a kiss. Oh to be 7, to have childlike innocence, to have the perspective of the world that my Kinders have.....how much easier life would be!

Broken hearts, pass the tissues

Today was a day of tears. I realized just how fragile my sweet Kinder babies were when we had some of our worst crying episodes to date. You see it all started with our graduation play.....

We are doing the Golden Goose story as our play and the children have been practicing the lines so that they can memorize the plot. I was told that instead of just designating character roles for my 11 children, they had to audition for them. I was somewhat horrified thinking about innocent little 7 year olds being put under so much pressure to perform, and then not getting the part they has desired. I was told this is to please the parents as they want their child to be a clear winner, and have come to notice that putting pressure on your child to do well is completely socially acceptable here. Yelling at your child for not getting 100% on a test or wanting them to audition in front of their class to only have their hopes and dreams shot down, is totally OK. Don't even get me started on the probability of hitting that may be going on behind closed doors due to imperfect schoolwork. Basically these kids are put through the ringer and are told that 'winning is better', instead of 'just try your best.'

This is totally a foreign concept to me as my Mom would buy me ribbons that said "Good Job" when I would come in 7th place in a track meet. I was always told its about how hard you try, not the outcome in the end. If I tried my best, i would get praised and encouraged, but if so many of my Kinder students try their best and it is not 'good enough' or 'not the best in the class' then they get cold harsh words and punishment. But please let me just remind you, it's a cultural difference, this is what all their kids experience and they don't know any better. Only my big heart and psychology brain has an issue with it because I have grown accustom to the way I was brought up. I find a little sugar coating, protecting, and coddling is necessary.

Luckily most of my children chose different characters so we didn't have a problem, that is until we got to the "Princess" role. I was dreading our auditions today as I was told that the two girls fighting for the role would have to resight the ENTIRE play in front of the class, my manager, and myself and then the children and teachers voted on who did better and memorized more lines. At first I thought I heard incorrectly....THE ENTIRE PLAY, that was like 60 lines, how could a 7 year old do that? Well sure enough the first little girl got up there and knew the whole thing. She had clearly studied all winter break and was determined to be princess. The second girl completely froze. She got the first 15 or so lines out and then she kept fidgeting and looking down because she had totally lost her nerve. This child usually has an excellent memory so I knew it was her nerves and the pressure of the situation causing her to be tongue tied.

My manager spoke to her in Korean and told her she would be getting a different role of playing 'Daughter 1' and the first child won the princess role. Before the kids even began to chime in or try to vote (even though there was a clear winner) I sent them out to the bathroom and told them to line up in the hall. I looked at the little girl who now had to be Daughter 1 and the tears started to fill her eyes. I knew a total and complete melt down was about to happen, and I kept thinking 'how can I protect her, how can I make this better for her?' My only thought was to not let the other children watch her cry her eyes out. So as the tears began to stream down her cheeks I barked orders to the other children who kept protesting they did not need to go to the bathroom, telling them they better stand in the hallway or they lose all their stars! I went into a panic mode knowing how mean children could be, and had to keep her from any more humiliation or pain. I stretched my arms out and she fell into them sobbing and leaning her head on my shoulder. She was a complete dead weight, crying from the pit of her stomach, because the princess role would not be hers. I said whatever comforting things could come to mind, such as 'You did so great, I am so proud of you, I know you will do so wonderful as Daughter 1.' The tears kept coming and it was just the saddest thing. My manager spoke to her in Korean, she eventually wiped her tears, and then I went to get the other children out of the hallway. Somehow, someway, the day went on.

Before the dust had settled on our first break down, an encore began. There is another little girl in my class who has a big crush on a boy in my class. Well, they got into a fight right before we were supposed to practice our Golden Goose play songs. She had done something mean to him so was already in trouble from me, but then the little boy said he would not accept her apology. She had to sit in time out because of her actions and we soon began singing the song "Lean on me" which will be our finale song for our play. Tears began streaming down her face everytime she looked at the boy, as she was so upset he was still angry with her. She could have cared less about being in time out, she wanted their friendship to be ok, and it was killing her that it was not. I soon couldn't take it anymore so I told her she was done with time out and she could sit with me while we sang and practiced our song. She melted into my arms, crying hard as can be, probably getting snot all over my sweater. I patted her on the back, tried to calm her down telling her that i'm sure he was not mad anymore.....but there was no luck. So I decided, keep singing the song and maybe she will join in and the tears will end.

So I sat there, a sweet little Korean child folded into my body, making sobbing noises in my left ear and the lyrics of Lean on Me in my right ear. I couldn't help but smile at how much my sweet kids had to lean on me today, and how much I will always be there for these kids to lean on. Afterall, brokenhearts are brokenhearts at any age, and sometimes you have to just lean on someone to get through it. Today I was just that.

 

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Asia intruding my heart

Since being in Korea I have now traveled to three countries. I have been to Japan, Malaysia and Indonesia. It’s amazing the differences that each culture and country has to offer, and the amazing opportunities there are to learn at every corner. I would walk the streets of all of these countries and simply marvel at the beauty and distinctiveness that set each city apart from the next. There is so much to talk about when it comes to reflecting on all of these trips, so here are just a few things I know I will never forget about my journeys around Asia.

Japan had some of the friendliest people I have ever met. They definitely have similar characteristics of some good ol’ southern folk I know from home, but in Japan it was different. There was such a high level of respect for others, respect for their environment, respect for people’s struggle and desire for success, and a welcoming attitude towards all who chose to enter their homeland. In Osaka we continuously had strangers doing the smallest of deeds for us to help us get around or guide us on our vacation, but these small deeds added up very quickly. The friend who we stayed with was so hospitable, and even her mother who I had never met before went to great lengths to take care of me on a day that I was sick. It was so kind and selfless that it made me miss my own mother. The hospitality, the warmth, and the respect that Japan gave me will always be in my heart.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia was such a cool city. That is the first word that comes to mind, because at every corner there was just something that made your mouth fall open and made you say “Ahhh, look at that, that’s so cool!” Of course there were beautiful landmarks such as the National Mosque or Palace, but there was something about the rhythm of this city. It seemed to beat for young people, people seeking adventure, people ready to have a good time, and they were everywhere. There was such a melting pot of cultures, nationalities, and religions that you were kept guessing what you would find at every turn. You could walk down one street and see a Hindu Indian Temple, a Chinese Temple, a reggae bar and restaurant, and a cross lit up high in the sky from a nearby Christian church. One night I just walked outside our hostel and listened to the city. I heard horns blaring, interesting unfamiliar music playing, and different languages being spoken by all the people that walked by. I saw a woman in a burqa, another in her traditional Indian sari, some Australians in regular old shorts and t-shirt, and men walking around with no shoes on. It was a constant blend; a city that accepted everything and everyone. That cool vibe of an upbeat city that was full of surprises will be my memory.

Bali, Indonesia will easily be remembered for its unmistakable, incomprehensible beauty. The green palm trees that we would see, some with an orange trunk, some with hanging bananas or coconuts were all around us. Exotic flowers and plants with colors so vibrant poked out of every crack and crevice of the city of Ubud. We would walk down the streets and marvel at the gorgeous bright colors all around us that truly took your breath away. This was my first time ever seeing a country that was considered to have a jungle or tropical rain forest, so my reaction was utter amazement. I did not know seeing so much lush greenery around me could make me feel so good. It’s hard to even put this kind of beauty into words because it’s something you can’t imagine. This kind of true indescribable beauty will always be my first memory of Indonesia.

These countries have all offered me such a different experience, but they all had one thing in common. The time I spent there left me feeling encouraged, rewarded, and alive! I left so happy and hopeful, and they will always have a place in my heart for this reason.