The Graduation Gun

This week has turned into a state of chaos I can barley wrap my head around. The children are graduating in one week  and there is an intense amount of pressure on teachers to finish their books (math, grammar, writing, etc), as well as make a perfect play with perfect songs and perfect dances that will awe every mother and father watching on the day of graduation.  Well with their graduation day looming I have been double timing their math pages and grammar pages in order to hopefully finish their books in time, and it has been bothering me a bit, but today I hit a new low

You see, today we had play rehearsal at a different location that will be similar to the venue for their actual performance on graduation day. I was all excited because I actually really enjoy field trips and my kids were excited as well. I was excited and nervous all at once to see them actually perform on a big stage. When I got there and was informed this I’SNT the actual stage they will perform on, and they are using standing microphones instead of the earpiece microphones they will use on the actual day, and will only have 6 minutes to perform their 15 minute piece (so pick what you want to practice basically) I started to get irritated. How am I supposed to make sure this will be perfect when you are giving me a totally different scenario than they will actually have next week? I took a breath and told myself they would do great.

Moments before they went on, I threatened them with taking away their stars (which usually motivates them to sing really well), said some encouraging words and reminders, then I walked them proudly on stage. I wasn’t sure if I should just let them do their thing and see how it goes, or be the demanding teacher who shouts orders to them like I do in my classroom back at school. With the whole school watching and myself not wanting to discourage them and just hoping they would do well, I stayed quiet mostly giving them the little directions they needed. Then our song “Lean on Me” came on, and they couldn’t hear it. I didn’t know if I was allowed to tell the audio teacher  to turn it up, or what I should do, so I just sang with them to try to slow them down. It looked TERRIBLE because they were soooooo fast and so nervous and not singing at all with the music,  and not into it at all. They look BORED and confused.  When the song was over we walked off stage and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach…..our play is going to SUCK and they did horrible. In no way should I have ever have thought that they did bad, after all they are just 7 years old and they are doing their best, which is all I can ask, but all the pressure I feel makes me think thoughts like this. 

I felt the graduation gun at the back of my head threatening me if I did not produce a good play.

We got back to school and I felt beyond discouraged. We had lost the whole morning to rehearsals and I had not done any grammar or math with them thus far.  I began running around the classroom trying to set things up for the afternoon so we would not waste a second of our time and get as much done as we could, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough.  If I had a dollar every time I have had a child say to me these past two weeks, “Ms.Nikki, your too fast!” , then I would be rich.  And the sad thing is that it’s to the point where some children are just not learning anymore. But in Korea COMPLETION of books (that they pay an arm and leg for) is more important than understanding everything in it. Sure some of the fast learners are picking up on the grammar lessons that are done at lightning speed, but the slower children, MY KIND OF CHILDREN BEING A SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER, are being left behind. All over the school, MY CHILDREN ARE GETTING LOST, and it’s all for the sake of business. Keeping the parents happy, means making money, because the kid keeps coming back. Who cares if they don’t understand everything in the book, maybe they will sign up for tutoring. More money.  Education here is merely a business. NOT looked at as the children are our future, this is the next generation, take the time and do it right, none of that. Ridiculous. 

I absolutely hate being a teacher who is having to partake in this ludicrous fight to the finish line but I have the graduation gun at the back of my head threatening me to finish my books, OR ELSE. Basically, screw the slow kids, we gotta please the parents, so do whatever you gotta go. This kind of mentality goes against every single bone in my body as I am all about learning at your own speed and in your own way, and in your own time,  but this kind of pace can only last so long. When there was a moment I tried to explain this to my boss I was shut down before finishing my sentence. There is no if, and’s or buts about it. Graduation is 7 days away, and I hear that trigger being pulled every time I look at my grammar book now. 

I have to remind myself that my kids are awesome, and will do great in their play and will do great in their next class and their next school year no matter what happens in the next week. I am a great teacher regardless of these weeks of chaos and the fact I can no longer individualize my lessons for kids who need extra help. 

Just make it to graduation……just get through the week…..and maybe write a few answers on the board to make things move a little quicker for those who are lost….oh yea, and PRAY HARD FOR A MIRACLE.