Torn between two worlds

It's funny how comfortable I have become here in Korea, yet how I sometimes feel very much like this whole life in Seoul is an outer body experience. I often feel like I am looking down at myself going, "Why are you in South Korea?? You live in Asia!!!" and then I just laugh because I still can't believe it's true.

My hectic lifestyle I have grown accustom to here is as such; working lots of hours busy with children, and then leaving work to do fun social get togethers with friends or go out and explore the city. Often on weekends I will try a new restaurant or see a new sight, because in Seoul there are a million things to do. I will never conquer it all in the year I’m here but I want to see my fair share of the city. So before I know it, the weekends over, and I’m back to Monday. My days are full of rich experiences of learning about Korean culture and helping children to learn my native language. I am adored by so many humans that barely reach my waist, and must constantly show discipline, love, and understanding for them. There is no such thing as just merely relaxing, as I’m always learning, whether it’s a new Korean word, cultural habit, or method of teaching. I’m always ON. I’m  constantly being tested in new scenarios and learning so much about myself. Wounds are healing and I am growing into the kind of woman God wants me to be.

It’s easy in the middle of all of that to forget about life at home. Not like FORGET, but it’s no longer at the forefront of my mind like it was when I first arrived here in August. Sure I miss my family, warm weather, my puppy and my friends, but time is flying by…..who has time to worry too much about life in a country thousands of miles away from me?

When my Mom came I realized just how different I am now, than I was before I came to Asia. Whenever she would tell a friend of mine a story about something I did back in NC, I realized just how different I would approach that same situation if it happened to me now. I felt like my life before I came was so irrelevant……well not IRRELEVANT, but just not applicable to help others see who I am now. It was a very surreal feeling for me, as I know every moment in my life thus far has lead me to a life in KOREA, but I hadn’t realized until then just how much my life in Korea had truly begun to change me. But why was I surprised? This was why I signed up for a year abroad…..to totally induce change in my life. To heal the wounds in my heart, to grow in my faith, and to challenge myself in every way possible. It is happening, and I guess for the first time I saw to what degree I was truly moving on and moving forward.

But it made me think…..what will this mean for when I return to NC?  Because every moment of my life in Korea will determine how I continue to move on and move forward in my life back in the States.

I told my Mom when she was here that I CANT WAIT to come home and see everyone! Beyond my hectic schedule, I honestly don’t think about it too much because it makes me miss everyone too much sometimes. But when she jokingly asked, “Do you want to come home with me next week?” I knew immediately my answer was NO.

You see, God is hard at work with me here in Seoul. I have so much faith in His plan that I can feel him moving through me and helping me grow each day. Whatever he has left to teach me in the next 6 months I am wide open too, as I know it will be invaluable. Monumental. Precious.

So I may be torn between two worlds, but I’m doing enough living for a lifetime.