The power of touch

I was aware of the power of touch from a young age. My Mom and Dad were not the type of parents that would give me a pat on the back and a hug once a month. I would get hugs and kisses everyday! I remember always holding my Dad’s hand and him picking me and my sister up constantly, and my Mom hugging us and snuggling with us whenever she could. Sure they would also tell us with their words that they loved us, but there is something so comforting about holding someone’s hand when you are upset or running into a warm embrace. Looking back at my childhood, I can see now that those little touches were such necessary outward expressions of love that helped me grow into who I am today.

Well, this became a natural part of who I was. When a friend was upset I would reach out and touch their hand, I became a ‘hugger’, and I am totally comfortable holding a strangers child. (for hours upon end…just ask anyone who went to Belize with me on a mission trip!) So when I went to my first job out of college, a very intense special needs camp for Adults, I had to retrain my brain. You see, many of the adults that I worked with had a dual diagnosis, many with Autism and mental retardation. Many of my campers were also nonverbal men in their 20’s, so my first thought was that I would just touch them to tell them what to do. (keeping in mind they were all taller and bigger than me, I was hoping a gentle touch here and there would be all I needed to build a rapport between us.) Well, anyone who has worked with someone with autism knows that you have to be very careful in this area, as many people with Autism do not like to be touched, at least not until you have crossed that trust barrier. I remember absolutely wanting to pull my hair out as my camper, Sean, was yelling and screaming because he did not want to take a shower…..but he would not let me hold his hand to calm him down or try to comfort him! My words were all I had, and I had to convey the genuine love I had for helping him in order for him to ever let me into his world.

After exactly 9 days, he did exactly that. He let me hold his hand as we walked around the camp, going on paddle boats, drawing, and eating lunch together. This simple expression of love took so long to be able to express, that once I was able to do so I was ecstatic. The power of touch, how much it meant, and how significant it was had never hit home so much as it did that day. I never took it for granted again.

I experienced another example of the power of touch when I was on a mission trip in India in 2011. We went to extremely rural areas of the country, where the houses consisted of dirt floors as the floor and straw as the ceilings. We would sing songs and someone from our mission team would give a sermon to the crowd of people from the town. (which was usually about 20 to 30 adults and children) The sermons would be translated by a local pastor, as they did not speak English there. After each sermon the people in the towns would line up in front of a team member, myself included, and want us to pray for them. They would grab our hands and place them on their head for prayer, or sometimes another body part (like their arm or leg) if they were injured. I would pray in English, out loud, for them and they would pray in their language at the same time. I would always feel the power of the Holy Spirit in that moment through wherever we were touching, through wherever my hands were on their body. They had no idea what I was saying, and I had no idea what they were saying, but through our bodies touching there was power, sincerity, and meaning in that moment. Many times it moved me to tears. It was a type of power, moving through myself and whoever I was praying for, through our connected bodies, that I cannot describe.

The power of touch has proved itself to be important here in Korea again. I am volunteering at an orphanage once a month here in Seoul, and once again there is a huge language barrier. Now, these children are neglected, abandoned, and in need of love. If you cannot talk to them because you cannot speak their language, how do you show them love? My answer was this; through rubs on the back, pats on the head, through hugs, holding hands etc. But you see sometimes if the kids are not young, which most of these orphans are not, their guards are up and you must earn their trust before getting to communicate through kind and loving touches.

I became very aware of the wall that was up between many of the older children in this orphanage and the world on my first week. You see, they are used to people coming in and out of their lives so they did not give me some big warm welcome, nor did they let me give them hugs when I left. But this past Saturday was my 3^rd month going there, and I have begun to form a bond with a little boy named Minjune. Since I know about 5 words in Korean and he knows the same amount in English, our communication is mostly based on gestures and lots of playing and laughing. Last month instead of being a ‘helpful teacher’ and cleaning up after the huge mess the kids made making kimbap (a rice and seaweed snack), I ran around the gym with him playing soccer. Now, I am NO GOOD at soccer but I knew it would make him laugh and I could sneak in a few loving hugs in the mix. When I would block the ball I would grab him in my arms, spin him around and steal the ball, and he would laugh and yell at me in Korean. I would then proceed to score a ‘goal’ in the open doorway we were using and he would be unaware he just let me ‘sort of hug’ him. It has been these little moments I have happily been stealing from him that have helped his walls come down and our relationship to grow.

So with my 3 months of consistency, he has grown to know my face and grown to want me around him. I have ‘earned some trust’ from him, just the way I worked hard to earn trust with my camper with autism. Trust is trust after all, and no matter what age, disability, or situation it deserves to be respected and earned. This time instead of doing activities at the orphanage, we took the kids to the movie theater to see Monster Hotel. We needed to pair up, child and volunteer, and Minjune was paired with someone else. He looked at our volunteer leader, said a few things in Korean, and she looked at me and said “He wants to be paired with you.” My heart warmed. We walked down the street towards the subway and just as any typical 8 year old boy he tried to run down the sidewalk with his friends away from me. I grabbed the hood of his coat to keep him in arms length, as holding his hand was not ‘cool’ and he was still keeping some distance from me. We got on the subway and he joked around with me, playing pranks and trying to speak English. We finally got to the movie theater and I kept laughing with him as he was teaching me how to count in Korean and I would teach him how to count in English. I would rub his head or his back as we laughed together, knowing he was getting more comfortable with me. I bought him some popcorn and a soda, and then we sat down to watch the movie. He demanded that I eat more popcorn with him, and when he ran out of soda, I gave him mine. He sat so close to me in the movies and we laughed at the screen together. (even though it was in Korean and half the time I was lost.)

Soon the movie ended. We left the theater and as we walked back to the subway I put my hand out and he grabbed it. He grabbed it….and we held hands most of the way home. We may not speak the same language, but somehow I have gained his trust. I could not have done it without the power of touch and it’s capability to express everything we are unable to express in other ways. It’s moments like these, when I realize how much we need to not be afraid to love one another this way, and we need to stop talking and let our actions take over. It’s important to remember that our actions, a sweet touch here or a hug there, can help people of all cultures, situations, or backgrounds to trust and love one another.