Grimy Friends

It’s amazing how differently things affect you as you get older. When I was in high school or college I would get caught up in dramatic affairs or let other people’s choices bother me, but I process things so differently now. I am much more of a logical thinker when it comes to problems I am faced with or I hear that others are facing. But I also try to live my life by a certain moral code now, the way that God would be proud of, so this makes me sensitive to other people’s moral imbalances. Sure I used to lie and talk behind people’s backs but these are habits I chose to break. In no way am I saying I do not screw up anymore as I still make mistakes daily, but I am painfully aware of them. I will always try to right my wrongs working hard not to make the same mistakes twice. I am a firm believer in learning from your mistakes and constantly working to be better the next day, the next month, and the next year than you were previously.

So when I see others lying without flinching, or hurting someone and then smiling in their face, it is quite hard for me to swallow these days. But I tell myself, “You were young and made those same mistakes….don’t get angry or judge them. Who knows why they are the way they are?” But this is so much easier said than done. This kind of behavior makes me want to turn my back on this or that friendship knowing that this kind of character is not one which you can build a solid friendship on. (Let alone give them a piece of my mind) After all, I’ve had my fair share of rocky friendships, been lied to and taken for granted and stabbed in the back by people who I gave 2^nd/3^rd/and 4^th chances too. I’m not willing to bet my emotional well being of any given day on the chance that you may all of sudden…… ‘change.’ The best I can do is WWJD. Show you some grace, pray for you, hope that one day (as I did) you will see the error in your ways and grow up. But until then cordial acquaintances is all I can offer.

I’m so glad there are a few select people here in Korea who do not fit this description. You see with these people, I may not have the same background, be from the same state, or even have the same religion, but we all have one thing in common; heart. Heart from making it over insurmountable hurdles that could have hindered our outcome. Heart from having a certain set of eyes that enable us to maintain a deep appreciation for life and its precious fleeting moments. We understand celebrating is not something to be done in moderation, and understand that happiness is something we need to work to attain. We will not settle; we will change our circumstances. We know our dreams are worth fighting for. We hold tight to things that matter and let go of things that don’t. We treasure the constants in our lives whether its people, places, or simple things like mac and cheese or coffee. And yet we embrace new experiences, soaking in whatever they can offer us, understanding they will build character and strength for the future.

So maybe, these days, I need friends with a little heart. This could also be thought of as life experience but I also often think of it as a little ‘griminess’. Because as I have said before, through the darkness, the weakness, the pain, there is so much strength, wisdom, and maturity. It is so often with these kinds of circumstances there comes a zest for life. Sure, sometimes it can go the other way when you have seen the ‘dark side’, but I didn’t go that way and neither did the people I am drawn to. These are the people I relate to. It seems that these people who have gone through the ‘grime’ don’t come out making choices to lie, cheat, and tear people down. They realize life is too important for all that negativity and hatred.

These are not necessarily the people I would have chosen to hang out with in high school as I usually had a flare for the dramatics. (just ask my Mom!) But now, in this new, ever changing, ever learning, more appreciative phase in my life here in Seoul, these people fill me up and meet my every need.

These are the people I turn too, who I am grateful for, and who I will miss dearly when I leave my life here in Korea.