Okkonomiyaki

I have to say that my favorite thing about traveling is learning about different foods in other cultures and trying so many different dishes that are unlike anything I have ever eaten. Of course I absolutely adore meeting new people, learning the history, and seeing new places, but eating is an all inclusive experience. You see so many odd new fruits or vegetables, smell aromas that make your mouth water, touch new textures on foods that you can't quite pronounce, hear the crackling of foods on a grill in front of you, and then finally taste a totally new taste in your mouth. Whether it's a horrible or pleasant experience it's always an adventure and I love exploring the foods around the world! The foodie adventures take up all of your senses and the memories stand out for that reason. 

Japan had such a significant impact on my 'amazing foods in the world' list. Of course their sushi was unreal. The sashimi was fresh and melted in your mouth. The sushi rolls were totally unlike any sushi I had ever eaten, including an cooked egg around one of the rolls and all kinds of fun fillings. Wonderful! Sushi totally takes first place from my list of favorites from Japan as it has been a deep love in my life for years now. But in an extremely close second is my obsession with my new found love; Okkonomiyaki.

I wanted my Mom to try this phemonenal cabbage pancake dish when she was in Seoul this year but when we ventured into a 'Japanese style' restauarant here in Seoul in February the Okkonomiyaki was horrible! It tasted frozen and came loaded with fish paper flying around on top of it. Seriously, disgusting and not authentic at all. I was so devastated thinking that my amazing relationship with this dish was never to be rekindled. But two weeks ago we found another contender restaurant and hope rose up inside of me again.

 We were walking around Myeongdong and saw this sign:

My friend and I immediately noted the name and location of the restaurant so we could come back and see if this was the real thing. You see, a frozen substitute will not suffice when it comes to a dish with this kind of reputation. We need the whole fresh ingredients and grilled in front of you experience! 

So tonight we checked it out, and we were NOT DISSAPOINTED! We finally found the real thing, made the RIGHT way, and we will be frequenting this place very often.

For those who have never had this fantastic dish....this is how it is made. 

First you choose the type of Okkonomiyaki you want to eat.....shrimp, pork, beef, etc. Then you will get a bowl like this with shredded cabbage, a raw egg, green onions, and your meat of choice.

 They will grease up the grill for you, preparing it for your dish to begin cooking!

 Then a waiter will come and mix all of your ingredients from your bowl together to get the raw egg mixed in which is able to bind the cabbage together and then it makes a little pancake shape on the grill.

Then after about 10 minutes, they flip your Okkonomiyaki pancake!

 Once the other side has cooked for about 5 minutes, the waiter will come and add a special white sauce.....it's similar to mayonnaise, but a little different.

Then....wait for it....he adds another sauce....a BROWN SAUCE on top of the white sauce! I have no idea what this is but it is phenomenal! It's like a rich brown thick gravy.....delicious.  (don't ever let them put any fish paper or other weird topping on your pancake....sauces are all you will ever need! Trust me!)

 After about a minute or two you can dig in.....and literally silence will creep over your table as everyone only wants to eat. Talking is no longer needed, you have all reached your happy place.

I reccomend everyone to try this at some point in your life. Truly you will be able to die happy and full once it's in your belly!

Enjoy!

Our Mcdonalds playground

I remember as a child LOVING the playground at McDonalds. Sure there were playgrounds at Burger King and other places but the McDonalds playground was just so much fun. I would be so carefree running and going crazy through the tunnels with new friends I had just made, and then smile at my parents or babysitter as I whizzed down the slide!

Here at LCI we have a playground that the kids go equally crazy for. It is our 'playroom' area and it reminds me sooooo much of a McDonalds playground! Between the tunnels and bright colors I always walk by and grin thinking about my childhood adventures on similar playgrounds. Sometimes I even sneak inside and have a litrle jump on the trampoline myself!

Just look at how much fun my little Venus class has in our playroom version of a Mcidee's playground!

So many good times being made here at LCI in our playroom. Just like so many good times I remember having at McDonalds....give me a Mcflurry and their playground any day of the week and I will become a kid again!

Clear skies ahead

Everybody has struggles and tough times in their lives, which they will admit has made them into who they are. The trials, the fears, and days you cry in the fetal position on the floor, they all make you stronger and make you into someone new. When you are going through these moments it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. And when you do the work, the hard emotional and physical work to get through the tough moments in your life, that light get's brighter. I have always known that light was there and have seen it coming, but wondered if I would ever really feel like I was back in the light and out of the darkness of my trials and tribulations. You always hear about people who are thankful for their tough times because of the blessings that have come out of them. I have always known that would be true one day, but never wholeheartedly or genuinely felt that way. I wondered when and if that day would ever come.

Well, today I felt it. It's here, and I'm truly so happy about all the things I have gone through over the past few years. 

I am reading a book called 'Sun Stands Still' and it's all about having a vision that God has put on your heart to help change the world and help you to reach people for His kingdom. After talking with peers about this book and hearing concerns from others about IF and HOW God could make such huge dreams truly come true in your life, it clicked. Because of the deep pain, rock bottom sadness that I have felt, and conviction that God put on my heart in those moments, I have no doubt in my mind that he WILL and CAN move mountains. I have been in the place where he has put an insurmountable vision in front of me and he has guided me through each step to climb and conquer that vision. I have seen him show up out of no where by sending me people I needed to make this vision come true, sending me money, offering clear guidance, or sending me someone to encourage me and pray for me to venture on. It was literally like the things I was in desperate need of were falling from the sky; I was fulfilling his will for my life and he was showing up to make it happen when I was falling short.

My decision to obey God's vision for me to open a nonprofit for medically fragile children seemed absolutely ludicrous, but no where in my loins did it seem impossible. I was watching God show up, over and over again. How blessed am I to have been a witness to that? I would have never been able to witness this if he had not taken away a beautiful baby I loved who was only 19 months old, and if he had not let anger and frustration build up inside of me. That pain that lingered in me, for what seemed like a century, is now my driving force and my reassurance of God's plan for me. Without the pain, the conviction would not be there. Without the conviction, there would be no fight. The fight in me is based on faith. And God is faithful, always. He is filling me with hope, love, and an intense amount of resilience to ward off anything that will defer me from his plan. I know he will follow this vision through.

Finally, I am genuinely grateful for the pain. Finally I am happy I went through it. Finally I am walking completely in the light appreciating the darkness I had to experience. For it is through that darkness I learned how to lean on him for guidance, saw his power, and saw his amazing love.Through this darkness grew such a light inside of me, knowing that the only hope in this world is in Him.

Having gone through the storm, never felt so good as it does today.

I know Who goes before me 

I know Who stands behind  

The God of angel armies  

Is always by my side  

The One who reigns forever  

He is a Friend of mine  

The God of angel armies 

Is always by my side

Tick Tock Smash the Clock!

There is always a schedule that people live by. Whether you have a work schedule you have to abide by, a social schedule with outings you need to make, or a life schedule you are hoping to be able to attain. When you are young sometimes you decide on a certain time in your life you want to get married or have children or be set in your career, and without even knowing it you have put a clock on your head and have a deadline to meet. 

Well often when you get to a certain age your dating clock begins to tick faster. You begin to be more and more critical of who you will date because they don’t seem like ‘marriage material’ when five years ago those two words never entered your mind. This is a natural progression of course, but can add too much stress to the casual and necessary process of dating. After all, dating is the way that we figure out who and what kind of person we would like to marry, so if we only dated the people who seemed like they were ‘marriage material’ we would never know that the ‘bad boy’ wouldn’t make for a good long term husband. Sometimes these silly dating choices that we called ‘mistakes’ are in fact what has helped us shape the picture in our mind about who ‘the one’ should look like. But when we are so fixated on finding ‘the one’ that we begin to compare dating resumes and cutting others off at the knees for logical reasons and ignoring the emotional connections, aren’t we missing the point?

I realized this yesterday as I literally came into contact with a version of myself a year ago. This guy is now dating the way I was dating when I was back in NC. He is worried that if we were to get serious that it would be for no reason since I am leaving Korea in 5 months. Mind you, he has known me for a week, and who even knows if we are compatible, yet would still be together in 5 months? Who knows if we would even be dating a month from now? The whole phenomenon of dating in Korea is so odd as it is with people constantly coming and going, that at some point people just have to throw caution to the wind and try it out anyway. They have to ignore that clock……the time ticking away until their departure or their loved ones departure. But not him. He is letting this small and possibly insignificant difference between him and I, which would not even become a problem for 5 months, stop him from even taking me on a second date. His explanation was that “He doesn’t date unless someone is wife material because that is the place he is at in his life right now…and if I’m leaving then there would be no point?” 

My first thought was, “Whatttttttt? Are you kidding me? I’ve known you a week and you are thinking that far ahead?” But then my second thought was, “Oh my gosh, I used to do this! I used to be this critical.” Because of this, I totally get where he is coming from with wanting things to line up…..my list used to be quite harsh that a guy had to meet for him to get a second date from me, so I don’t blame him for his mentality. But I’ve realized that if I’m so in my head about dating, so incredibly logical about how our futures have to line up and thinking that they must go together perfectly that I will miss the emotional connection that could surpass all understanding. When you find that kind of love, it changes things. And if it doesn’t, at least I’m getting some good dating experience. Right?

It’s been an eye-opening few days, dating ‘past me’ and realizing how far I have come. I am no longer super critical when dating and now ready and willing to date someone for who they are and not for what their five year plan is. I’ve realized that ambition is great but so is just having a hand to hold every now and then. Just because a man isn’t open to adopting children in the future doesn’t mean I shouldn’t call him back or go and have dinner with him. 

A good friend of mine put it perfectly when I told her all of this last night…..she said “Dating is like riding a bike with training wheels, and marriage is when you get your training wheels off. It hurts a lot less when you fall off with training wheels then when you fall off without them, so get lots of practice while you’ve still got them. After all, that’s what they are there for, to help you learn how to ride. So, get out there and ride that bike. ” 

I plan to.

Crushin' on you

It's a funny thing when you get a crush on someone. In elementary school little girls will push and kick the boy that they like, and sometimes end up getting in trouble for it. They show they like the boy by being silly or mean to them, and trying to sit next to them at lunch time. Sometimes you will get a 'boyfriend' which basically just means you have a lunch buddy for the year. But mostly there are a bunch of little girls running around hitting and chasing boys with them not having a clue that that means the are loved.

When you get into middle school and you have a crush on a boy you end up passing them notes back and forth with silly things about what the teacher is wearing or how bored you are. Eventually you get the courage to pass a note that says, "Do you like me? Circle your answer, YES NO MAYBE."

In high school you are just coming into your own as a woman, so when you have a crush on a boy you decide you have to get their attention with your looks. You fix up your hair, fix your nails, wear a super cute and trendy outfit and get your friends to ask him if he thinks your cute. There is so much back and forth between your girl group of friends and the boys group of friends until you both finally admit you like each other. Then there may even be the awkward moment that your friends say, "Come on just give him a kiss!" And you get your first kiss.....it's super weird, and your not sure how you feel about it, but you know you looked soooo cute in your new outfit doing it!

When your older, it's miles more complicated. You have your past, present, and future to somehow throw into the mix as you are painfully aware of all the choices you are making and how they affect your life......down to the boy you choose to date. So you could say with all that weighing on my mind, to have a crush as an adult has been far and few between for me. I don't date very often, and usually don't see the boy after the first date if I did give him a chance. So to have the whole butterflies situation going on is a familiar but long overdue sensation for me. It's been literally years since I have had a crush on someone, and I feel like a silly little high school girl again.

Now this silly crush may go as quickly as it has come, but I'm holding onto the feeling as long as I can. If it does fade, who knows how long it will be until I have it again, after all?! For once I'm going to stop being critical, stop worrying, and just smile about my silly little crush and the silly boy who somehow broke through the wall I usually have up. I'm taking it day by day, and just seeing where this crush leads me.

One reason is because if I slipped him a note "Do you like me? Circle your answer, YES NO MAYBE?", he would circle YES.....twice. <3

Bruno tells the Truth

As a child we learn early on that we should never tell a lie. When you tell a lie you get into BIGGGG trouble and most often children are not slick enough to pull it off. We are taught that the truth is the more important, even if you are going to get into trouble. As a teenager though, you learn how to lie. You get better at it, and test the waters realizing you still are not as slick as you think you are. This is followed by long punishments and embarrassing phone calls to your parents. As an adult you learn how to make better choices in situations. You learn the times where you should tell the truth and when maybe a lie, or even a little white lie would be a better idea. Still as an adult we are often not very slick, enabling gossip and betrayal to come around full force as the truth is revealed.

Lying is a funny thing to me. I am highly against it mostly because I have been lied to in some pretty significant moments of my life. This kind of lie, in the moments that matter, about the things that matter, cut pretty deep and leave you with a disgust for such things. Now I know lying happens, and I make bad calls and lie to others, but I try to make it a definite habit to not even lie about the weather to other people as I don't want lying to become part of my character. My dedication to not lying about small things makes me basically unable to lie about big things....I want it to stay this way as I do not think lying is ever really necessary. Now there are the few exceptions that mostly consist of lies that are for the other persons best interest; white lies mostly, but every situation is different and may need to be treated with great care before difficult topics rise to the surface.

I have been thinking about this lately as I met a really great guy a few days ago. He admittingly said he had trust issues and I could do nothing but sympathize. He has been lied to and had his heart broken in serious ways, just as I have, and it shows in his demeanor. It made me wonder how much my trust issues showed on a daily basis, and if a person I just met could see this inside of me. He was interested in seeing me again and so I didn't think twice about giving this great guy my number. Later in the weekend I ran into him again, a freaky coincidence. He said all the right things (beautiful eyes, such a nice girl, etc) and so he was winning some definite points with me. As the evening progressed we got into an argument about some silly hearsay that had happened between him and a friend of mine. We went back and forth with neither of us letting up, and the anger and hurt was just pouring out of him. I kept asking him, "How could this situation make you THIS angry?" And then it dawned on me how fresh his wounds must be. The anger was not totally directed towards me. The biggest problem was that he didn't trust a word I was saying and I didn't trust a word that came out of his mouth either. So basically the conversation was completely unproductive and went no where. I realized a few days later that two people who both have trust issues trying to date would be like fire and gasoline; a recipe for disaster.

Trust is the foundation for everything; friendship, work relationships, and romantic relationships.If people just didn't tell lies then there wouldn't be so many wounded people walking around angry and frustrated at the world. Why can't it be as simple as telling the truth to each other as much as possible, like when we were little kids?

Today I happened to read a book to my Kinders about this exact topic, "Bruno tells the truth." My kids looked at the words in AWE as they saw how Bruno lied to his mother about breaking the cookie jar. But then once he realized that lying was wrong he decided to be honest with his Mom and admit to his bad behavior. This is what happened;

But so often we ARE afraid of telling the truth. Letting others inside, fessing up to our wrongdoings and facing the music. It's too hard so people lie. As far the good guy I met, we will have to work on being friends and try to build some kind of foundation of trust from there. We will both have to learn how to not be afraid of telling the truth and believe the other is not telling a lie.

Thanks for the lesson Bruno.....not only my Kinders got something out of that book today, I did too. :)

Birthday Parties!

Here at LCI, and other hagwons as far as I have heard, birthday parties are quite a big shabang! Parents send a fancy cake, fruits, cookies, juice boxes, and gift bags to school for the celebration. The kids are exstatic about the days we have birthdays and once I saw the amount of sugar being pumped into their tiny bodies I was very aware to what all the hype was about.

Last week it was one of my new Kinders birthdays. Usually kids are ecstatic about their birthday, but this child has a much more shy personality. She told me she was excited, but she is so quiet that I wasn't sure. All of my other Kinders brought in their gift for this child and they must have asked me about 20 times before 11am when the party was going to happen!

I have always found these 'parties' to be very funny personally, because the actual birthday child has to have a photo shoot for almost the whole party with the teacher, opening presents, and then with their classmates. All the while their classmates are chowing down on cake, fruit, and cookies and the birthday child is not allowed to eat yet. As the teacher, I have to be ready to be in about 50 photos (no exaggeration) and still keep my kids in line. I have always wondered how much the birthday child actually enjoys this kind of 'party' (aka photo shoot) because they aren't actually eating and hanging out with their friends. They only get to eat their cake during the last five minutes and are usually hurried along as the other students are starting to misbehave because they are done with their own food already.

Well I couldn't help but laugh as this little girl didn't crack a smile during her ENTIRE photo shoot. She is the most adorable little sweet natured child, but just would not smile. I don't know if she was being shy, hated getting her photo taken, or was thinking exactly what I have always thought about these birthday parties; "This is a rip off." Either way, it was hysterical and I couldn't help but snap a few photos myself of this adorable somber faced Korean girl.

Good times......

Clovers & Birthday Wishes

me in Dublin, 2007

St.Patty's Day is a great holiday, but it is extra special in our household because it is my Dad's birthday. This gives me two reasons to celebrate the day of March 17th each year and enjoy the festivities. Now whenever I am home I will spend this time with my Dad, maybe going out to an Irish pub or something as we have done in years passed, but when I am abroad I have to be celebrating with him in spirit. I always have him in mind as I am dancing an Irish jig or clinking my glass with someone else's and making a cheers to the holiday!

When I was abroad during my year in England I was lucky enough to go to Dublin for St.Patty's. It was by far the coolest St.Patty's I have ever had because of the pure electricity running through the city. The excitement of this holiday could be felt in every nook and cranny of Dublin and there was a smile on everyone's face. Everyone was wearing their green and making friends with the person next to them! I had a great time, but always wished my Dad could have been there to have a Guinness with me. (or more like finish mine.....I think it's so gross!! haha)

Dublin

Dublin

This year I am spending another St.Patty's abroad and had the opportunity to go to an Irish Festival being held here in Seoul. I had so much fun spending time dancing to Irish music (played by Korean musicians) and being surrounded by so many St.Patty's day loving foreigners. Whether you are in Dublin or Seoul there is always a sea of green on St.Patty's it seems, and it was such a good time.

But one thing was still missing.....my Daddy! I kept thinking of him, knowing he would be doing something back at home in the States with my Mom, and I kept wishing I could be there to give him a big hug and say 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' to him in person! But for now, I will have to settle for sending him all my love from abroad, and letting my little angel Tootsie give him a birthday kiss for me!
 

Happy Birthday Daddy, and Happy St.Patricks Day everyone!

Triumph

As part of the new school year here in Korea I am no longer tutoring the same little boy twice a week. Instead, for the next six months I will be teaching him along with two of his peers in more a of 'classroom' setting than one-on-one tutoring.

When I found out this change of schedule I was a little worried about my little boy as we were doing so well with our own little technique way of learning English. I didn't want our progress to stop because I all of a sudden had to go by an actual book. So when I made the lesson plan/outline for the upcoming month I approached my boss to try to figure out the exact way she wanted me to approach this class since she had given me free reign over my tutoring sessions before. When I asked her how many units she wanted me to do out of the book each month, and how she wanted me to frame the spelling tests her response was this:

"The progress you have made with your tutoring student is a miracle. He has done so well. The other students are jealous of his progress and that is why I have put them in your class. They want to be better at English like he is now. I know you know how to teach kids like him, so you judge it by whatever you think is best."

I literally blushed. I am blushing now as I write this! Only because it seemed so genuine and she doesn't exactly hand out compliments daily or even monthly to her employees. So when she does.....you are taken aback, and it truly means something.

It is no secret though how much progress I have made with my tutoring kid over the past 6 months though. I knew this, but today I truly saw it in our 'mini-class' that we are now in together. Our little classroom with only four bodies is still very intimate and should make for a great learning environment as we navigate this tricky language. You see, it's very hard for these few kids to learn English and it's my job to make it more fun. Today we just did some basic writing, and went over verb tenses and vocabulary. As we went over this curriculum I noticed a spark in my tutoring child's eyes. His hand would jump up as he remembered something we talked about in tutoring previously, or he would interrupt me as he remembered an answer and was eager to share it with his peers. He had this cheeky grin on his face like, 'I know this stuff guys, watch and learn.'

It was an amazing feeling to see him so confident FOR ONCE in his English. I'm not sure how often it happens for him, or how long it will last, (as the material is quite tricky)  but my goodness this is what triumph looks like! Success at last! Conquering at last! He knows his stuff, and was excited, confident, and eager to share it! I was bursting with my own sense of pride in knowing I had a small part in helping him get to this moment. A moment he worked so hard for, and probably didn't even deem notable, but after all I have seen him do in the past 6 months it was notable for me! He was no longer the lost student unable to put his words together and drawing me pictures of the words he did not know in English. He knew the answer, and was the only one in class who did. I hope he felt proud, I hope he felt triumphant.

I'm so happy to still be teaching him, and it seems his excitement to learn is there too....here's to another 6 months of success.

Strength in Numbers

I have been watching this show 'Mental' lately and I really like it. It's all about physciatry and different psyciatric disorders. It sheds light on nonfictional diagnoses through fictional plots in an entertaining way. With my background in psych I really find it fascinating and intriguing. Pain and trauma is often what cause people to have a change in mental state. Of course genetics play a factor in disorders like bipolar, but trauma is a key component from anything from personality disorders to psychotic breaks.

This got me thinking about how this TV show applied to day to day lives. It's rare for people to consider the trauma in their fellow coworkers, friends, or a strangers past on an everyday basis. Or let alone think that maybe someone's mood swings or frustration actually goes much deeper than a heavy workload, but because they are dealing with a severe emotional trauma inside their mind at that moment.

I considered this today as I walked through my day with many of my coworkers unaware of the battle going on inside my own mind due to my own past. As I have shared, the anniversary of my grandfathers death was this week and it has weighed on my mind heavily. I have also been revisiting other losses that this loss makes me think of, and then dealing with my own trust issues due to the immense amount of pain I have endured over the past few years. As many seem to experience, once one root of pain is brought to the surface many others rise along with it. These kinds of serious and heavy thoughts makes me impatient, quiet, irritable and much more. I mostly have kept to myself, but many do not know why or have not wondered at all. I looked around the office and saw others laughing and making casual conversation as if it was just another day, but to me it was not. I wondered what was actually going through their minds.....were they hiding their own battles due to their past struggles, trauma, or pain?

The pure happiness of everyone's day really made me feel alone in my struggle. Do any of them know what grief really feels like? Could any of them even relate to the pain I have gone through, or the passion that is now in my heart? Do I want to even bother sharing my feelings with them or just keep quiet and wait until this storm passes?

You see, I may have people to turn to about most topics but there are some things I just can't get into. This is often because of differences in opinion, differences in life experiences, lack of understanding, or backgrounds. So then what? Of course I've got prayer.....but I will just say it.....you just want to have someone look you in the eyes and say they get it. Your not a total loner in your situation and your grief, they get it.

But for some that won't happen. What if your particular situation is so unqiue that no one can understand your needs? I know quite a few people who's unique cocktail of trauma that has happened in their life is so incomparable to others that they will most likely always feel somewhat alone in their battles they are fighting to make it through the next day. Because most of the time they feel like they are fighting against the sorrow with no army behind them. There are no troops to call in if they feel like they are losing. These people are some of the strongest and most admirable people I know, and I honestly don't know how they fight so hard and so well by themselves.

I understand why psychiatrists push for support groups for people who are going through trauma. There is such a strength in numbers....in knowing you are not alone. This helps so many alcoholics from relapsing, so many people to kick bad habits, find forgiveness, and start their lives over. I guess my worry is that there is not as much power in fighting your battles alone.....because at the moment my numbers are down. I know God is pushing me forward like so many of the other solo soldiers at war, but I worry that my own fading strength will one day give out and there will be no other soldiers there to carry me to safety.

In the mean time, I guess I will just keep working on the 'strength' part and hope God will soon fill in the 'numbers' part...... oh and keep watching my new favorite show 'Mental'.

VENUS CLASS

The new school year has officially begun but it’s been a bit of a rocky start. With a ton of new Korean managers and new foreign staff it has become a whirlwind of confusion around the office. Typically how it works is you have a lesson plan and the books and tools you need to teach your classes, and any problems or questions that arise you just direct to your Korean manager of that class. Well about 80% of the managers on my class list are NEW Korean staff,  so they are lost most the time. Talk about feeling like you’re on a sinking ship with the only one with a paddle……this has been my main frustration this week. I have been praying for extra patience and hoping things just fall into place since no one is helping me put things in any particular order.

Nevertheless, I have a younger Kinder class, which has given me 7 new babies that are only 5 years old. One of the little girls is soooo stylin, and then there are a few girls who are very shy and then 2 boys who are not.   

They all have their talents, quirks, and challenging moments but I have come to realize I am back in full on preschool mode. I’m talking about the little kid statements that I haven’t heard since I left my last job;  “I did poo poo, help me teacher!”, and “I miss Mommy” with tears welling up in their eyes. One child even cried because he couldn’t find the toy he was playing with the previous day! I have truly had to remind myself of the way these codependent children behave, and become that kind of teacher again.  They are all precious though and I know I will soon fall in love with each one of them.

It officially felt like I was their teacher today as I was given artwork on origami paper! That sealed it for me….and I heard an “I love you teacher.”  I also had a few children not want to leave class today, which made me feel like I was doing pretty good muddling through the chaos of the first week of class. We stood in line and chanted our “VENUS CLASS” song, and then walked with our buddies down the hall. I got big hugs and a few kisses too and then waved goodbye. 

Every day as Kinder ends my old Kinder class returns to school for their new elementary “Big Kid” class. I can’t help but feel with every one of my old children that runs up the stairs that I miss my old mischievous 8 year olds, but I am so proud of them moving up to the next level. I often feel like a celebrity as I hear “MS.NIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIII” being screamed down the hallways and they run up to me and give me hugs! EJ, one of the kids that probably loves me the most from my old class, runs up to me every time screaming at the top of her lungs “MS.NIKKI” and then lunges into my arms! I am filled with so much happiness every time I see my kids, asking them if they did well on their spelling tests and how they like their new teachers. I even walked a few of them out to the bus today after class because I wanted a few moments with those familiar faces. They might be big kids now, but they will always be my babies in my eyes. 

Another reason I can rest easy about my old Kinders moving on and up with their lives is that an important prayer was answered. The child I was worried about, who has special needs and gets in trouble with Korean Teachers all the time because of his behavior, has one of my closest friends here at LCI as his teacher. She is so patient, strict, but so incredibly loving and this child will not suffer undue consequences because of his genetic makeup. She will fight for him and love him just like I did. An answered prayer to say the least. 

So here we go, new kids in, old kids moving on…..let’s hope Ms.Nikki can do a good job with these seven.

Je t'aime Pepe

Running on a treadmill doesn't help, wine doesn't help, your favorite foods, people, places.....waste of time. When old wounds are reopened it truly feels like someone is messing with your life support machine. You are literally gasping for air when you thought the bandage was holding just fine.

Tough anniversaries of when loved ones passed away is a serious old wound. It may have been bleeding for quite some time but you somehow put a plug in it. Your first aide kit somehow dealt with the problem and you are doing just fine. But not when this time of year rolls around. No matter how much you know your loved one is with Jesus, grief begins to rear its ugly head. It's like a dragon with 15 sets of arms that no matter how hard you try to not let it take hold of you, you are trapped......to deal with the uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable grasp it has on you.

My grandpa was one of the kindest men I had ever met and probably ever will meet. He was kind to everyone, even on his deathbed, saying his nice regards to nurses and such. When I was little he would let me jump on him and ride on his shoulders even though he was like 60 years old. He would chase after me and my sister on the playgrounds and slide down the slides with us. Through high school and college he was always supportive and loving to us. He would make us crepes and french moose or custard, and these amazing creme puffs that I could devour in seconds.Even when he was battling cancer, the numerous times that monster took a hold on him, he always cared how others were doing. Finally when the last cancer came, it was number 8, he could no longer ask how I was doing. He passed away.

When you have such a small family, losing a member of it is incomprehensible. You never get used to someone not being there when you visit, when you only have one house to visit and 6 people on the guest list, after all. I can still hear him yell out in his french accent, "I love you!", and it kills me that it's only in my memory now.

His passing had a lot to do with why I moved to Korea. And although he didn't know about my plan to come here before he died, I know he is watching me now. He would think the little girls bows and dresses in my Kinder class were so cute, and he would tell me he missed me all the time. Because he was so kind, such a good person, and so cute and sweet to everyone he met, it made me very angry that he had to battle cancer for so many years. When that cancer finally took him away from me, part of me died as well. I'm working really hard to get it back over here, but it takes time.

Although I'm sad and I miss him daily, I hope everyone will know that he was an amazing man of God, husband, father, and especially grandpa.

Every time I see an old man with the kind of hats he wore, hear Ava Maria, or see anything to do with a trumpet I think of him.....all the more right now as I recall the date on the calendar....Pepe, I hope you know, you are dearly missed.

Judgement City

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?"  Mathew 7: 1-4

There are some subjects I must speak frankly about. The people closest to me know this about me, so here is my warning, there will be no sugarcoating with this subject.

This weekend I found myself amongst a group of Christian women who began talking about plastic surgery. The conversation started out innocent enough about how more women need to be confident in their inner beauty. But soon enough it became a bashing session about Korean culture (which is often very image focused) and about women who care about their appearances. There even were comments about tattoos, make up, and piercings and how they somehow are wrong? Mentioned in the conversation was the fact that 6th graders wanted to wear make up and how sad this fact was...."what is this world coming too?" I had to bite my tongue because I got my first eye liner in 6th grade and loved it! I wore that blue eye liner all the time and also loved wearing lip gloss. Does that mean I was a vain little girl asking to be judged because of my love of make up? Is my Mom a bad mother because she bought it for me? For at least 2 of my teen years I wanted to be a make up artist and loved learning about make up and wearing it all the time. Was this a sad moment in my childhood, or an exciting time of discovery about what I wanted to be when I grew up? By these Christian women's standards, my behavior as a teen was wrong....along with anyone who has ever gotten plastic surgery, tattoos, or piercings. I wanted to scream at these people....don't you realize that you are judging everyone when you speak about their appearances like this? As Christians aren't we told not to judge our brothers and sisters? The sad truth is this:

Christians judge. 

And it gets me so heated.

This is why I don't tell my fellow church friends in conversations about how I love to go out and dance the night away at clubs. I'm not getting wasted and going home with guys and yet I feel that's where the judgment will go. God gave me rhythm and a love for dance and I see nothing wrong with literally shaking the stress off with my best girlfriends to some funky electronic music. But if I say I got home on Saturday at 3am from a club in a party area of Seoul, where will their minds go? Judgment city. 

 I may have even pulled a muscle in my back when I was dancing into the wee hours of the morning, on stage, at a club......I will pause for judgmental thoughts......

.....and I will follow that up with the fact I was at an orphanage that same day volunteering my time to share Gods love with the abandoned children of Seoul.......I will pause for time for you to recant your previous thoughts.

It's that freaking easy to misjudge....so why do we do it? We are incorrect and in the wrong when we do that, but how often are we wrong when we show love to someone?

I am no perfect person, as judgment regretfully passes through my head all the time. But I often try to hold my tongue and absolutely give people the benefit of the doubt. I will try to gain an outside non bias perspective so I don't get caught up in a conversation which will make me look judgmental or better yet make someone feel judged. After all, if I am going around saying I love the Lord and then following that proclamation with judgmental ones, others will affiliate Christianity with being judgmental. And since there is no such thing as a part-time Christian, I need to watch my tone and my words all the time. Even if a conversation must be had, there's a way, a loving way to help someone through tough choices or times of change.

I know so many people who have stopped going to church, stopped reading their bible, and stopped being a Christian because of Christians judging them.

Don't you know that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar?

Whether you walk with Christ or without Him you should be able to live your life without judgment from your neighbor. Only God knows their heart and why they make the choices that they do, so who do you think it is OK to declare right or wrong about their choices? It's between them and God. So you need to zip it if your going to judge and especially condemn. When seeking answers people often take different roads. Just because someone takes a different path than you, doesn't make them wrong. And who are you to judge someone else for any struggles they are going through when you have many struggles of your own? No one is perfect, we all sin and screw up daily. We are all a mess, so who are you to point your finger in someone else's direction in judgment? 

"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things." Romans 2: 1

Do u know how many people we are robbing the opportunity for salvation, joy, and comfort in Christ when we put a bitter taste of judgment in their mouth? And I'm not talking 'I DON'T LIKE YOU AND YOU DON'T LIKE ME' kind of judgement, I'm talking about the big, hurtful, life altering judgment that beats people down until they say 'I GIVE UP.'  If u are going to be Mr. Judgmental or Ms. Nelly-know-it-all please do not tell that person your a Christian. It just makes Jesus look bad.

"There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4 : 12

Judging right and wrong is Gods job, not ours. So why don't we follow a new job description??

"Love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

People often talk about the love of Christ so why are we offering them the judgment of Christ??? Is that what makes people want to surrender their lives to the Lord? Why aren't we focusing on the love part?

Love is what Jesus taught, love is the way, love is what changes lives.....not judgment.