Tick Tock Smash the Clock!

There is always a schedule that people live by. Whether you have a work schedule you have to abide by, a social schedule with outings you need to make, or a life schedule you are hoping to be able to attain. When you are young sometimes you decide on a certain time in your life you want to get married or have children or be set in your career, and without even knowing it you have put a clock on your head and have a deadline to meet. 

Well often when you get to a certain age your dating clock begins to tick faster. You begin to be more and more critical of who you will date because they don’t seem like ‘marriage material’ when five years ago those two words never entered your mind. This is a natural progression of course, but can add too much stress to the casual and necessary process of dating. After all, dating is the way that we figure out who and what kind of person we would like to marry, so if we only dated the people who seemed like they were ‘marriage material’ we would never know that the ‘bad boy’ wouldn’t make for a good long term husband. Sometimes these silly dating choices that we called ‘mistakes’ are in fact what has helped us shape the picture in our mind about who ‘the one’ should look like. But when we are so fixated on finding ‘the one’ that we begin to compare dating resumes and cutting others off at the knees for logical reasons and ignoring the emotional connections, aren’t we missing the point?

I realized this yesterday as I literally came into contact with a version of myself a year ago. This guy is now dating the way I was dating when I was back in NC. He is worried that if we were to get serious that it would be for no reason since I am leaving Korea in 5 months. Mind you, he has known me for a week, and who even knows if we are compatible, yet would still be together in 5 months? Who knows if we would even be dating a month from now? The whole phenomenon of dating in Korea is so odd as it is with people constantly coming and going, that at some point people just have to throw caution to the wind and try it out anyway. They have to ignore that clock……the time ticking away until their departure or their loved ones departure. But not him. He is letting this small and possibly insignificant difference between him and I, which would not even become a problem for 5 months, stop him from even taking me on a second date. His explanation was that “He doesn’t date unless someone is wife material because that is the place he is at in his life right now…and if I’m leaving then there would be no point?” 

My first thought was, “Whatttttttt? Are you kidding me? I’ve known you a week and you are thinking that far ahead?” But then my second thought was, “Oh my gosh, I used to do this! I used to be this critical.” Because of this, I totally get where he is coming from with wanting things to line up…..my list used to be quite harsh that a guy had to meet for him to get a second date from me, so I don’t blame him for his mentality. But I’ve realized that if I’m so in my head about dating, so incredibly logical about how our futures have to line up and thinking that they must go together perfectly that I will miss the emotional connection that could surpass all understanding. When you find that kind of love, it changes things. And if it doesn’t, at least I’m getting some good dating experience. Right?

It’s been an eye-opening few days, dating ‘past me’ and realizing how far I have come. I am no longer super critical when dating and now ready and willing to date someone for who they are and not for what their five year plan is. I’ve realized that ambition is great but so is just having a hand to hold every now and then. Just because a man isn’t open to adopting children in the future doesn’t mean I shouldn’t call him back or go and have dinner with him. 

A good friend of mine put it perfectly when I told her all of this last night…..she said “Dating is like riding a bike with training wheels, and marriage is when you get your training wheels off. It hurts a lot less when you fall off with training wheels then when you fall off without them, so get lots of practice while you’ve still got them. After all, that’s what they are there for, to help you learn how to ride. So, get out there and ride that bike. ” 

I plan to.